A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. In the past three relationships I've had, my ex-significant others have said the same thing to me after the break-up... "Any other guy would be so lucky to have someone like you. You'll make someone very happy someday." They tell me that I'm sweet and selfless, and stable, and beautiful, and they "don't deserve" me.Now, while it's nice to hear such things (or bittersweet, I should say), hearing it multiple times becomes very tiring... It obviously cannot be true. How could I be so amazing that these guys just do not want to be with me? It's ridiculous...In each of these relationships, the guys have pursued me. In fact, at the start of my most recent relationship (which just ended yesterday, actually, and is really what prompted me to ask for help), I wasn't even looking for a relationship, which I openly expressed. I was very reluctant to put a "name" to anything. He (admittedly) pushed me into the relationship, and I actually began developing significant feelings for him while his feelings for me seemed to just completely wane. I'm absolutely crushed. He told me yesterday that he didn't really feel anything for me anymore, but that he didn't deserve me anyway, because I'm so wonderful and there's absolutely nothing wrong with me, and all that BS. I am utterly livid to hear this. If I am so wonderful and perfect, why did he just up and decide that he didn't want to be with me anymore? OBVIOUSLY there is something wrong with me, something that made him change his mind.I am so bitter and hurt and angry; I didn't even want to be in a relationship, and right when my walls came down, he just stopped feeling for me. I'm so disappointed and sincerely very afraid of relationships now, moreso than I've ever been. :(I always give so much in my relationships, and I never seem to get anything in return. In this recent relationship, I drove my boyfriend to and from work (40-minute drive one way) 6 days out of the week because he was without a car. He paid me $25 in gas every week, but it definitely did not cover the cost. Sometimes he worked third-shift and I picked him up at 7 in the morning. I work in a bakery and I love to bake, and I would constantly surprise him with baked goods (baked at home), which he loved. I bought him stuff that I noticed he needed.I was very affectionate, which he increasingly seemed to hate toward the end of the relationship, though it was a quality he raved about in the beginning. He was quick to stop being affectionate with me, now that I think about it. I also noticed that I annoyed him a lot more toward the end... though I tried very hard to avoid doing anything to annoy him. :(Why would guys say they want a stable, long-term relationship and then suddenly decide they're just "not ready" for it if you're not missing something that they're looking for, but initially thought you had? Why would guys tell you that they think you are so fantastic and then turn around and tell you that they don't feel a connection to you anymore and they don't want to be with you?All I can do is WONDER -- what is so god-awful wrong with me, what won't they tell me, how will I ever fix it if I don't even know what it is??????
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female
reader, forever friend  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 hi there, theres nothing wrong with you darling ,its normal to be angry and bitter cuz i still feel this when i think of how much i gave in my previous relationships , im also the type to give and give to the point where i start to wonder why cant he show me love for a change, the trouble is i think this is the reason my first relationship ended so badly cuz i argued with him all the time about not feeling loved it just felt like all give and he wud just take untill i felt empty, what worked better for me was in my last relationship was to start being responsible in not giving all the time, not doing all the sweet things, give and take basically. even though i find joy in giving, ive read in relationship advice , actually giving to much to a man or being at his beckon call pushes a GOOD man away because a decent selfless guy actually loves to win a woman over and please her, this single sentence i read has done alot of good in my life hope it will for you, let your next guy make the effort, give but take as well, if you like i can recommend some great resources that helped me just email me anytime , hope things get better for you darling take care
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 February 2010):
You are a lovely girl! You put a huge amount of effort in. The problem is that a lot of young guys don't know what they want, and may not be ready for a real relationship with such commitment. Whereas you are ready. Don't give up and don't worry. When you're with a guy, play a little harder to get too. Make them do some work and running around.
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