A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ok , because of how heartbroken i was when my marriage of eight years ended , i decided not to fall in love again , now five years after i made myself this promise , i have found that i have fallen in love , thing is i think im smothering the woman too much i think its down to my insecurities , but im sure if i continue to be the way i am i will lose the woman i really love , how can i stop myself from being too well i guess the words are full on ?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (6 March 2007):
 Hi there,
My advice is a little weird, so you can take it or leave it...
First off, I think it's great that you've found love again. Congratulations!! That is a wonderful thing for you, and I hope you find happiness in this relationship.
I think that maybe you could tell your girlfriend, "look... you know that the last relationship I had was really difficult for me and I decided not to fall in love with anyone. But you are fabulous and I love you and I'm afraid that I might be smothering you and I really don't want to do that to you. I hope you understand that I'm still a little insecure and that I really love you. I don't want to lose you and hope that you can just tell me if I'm overwhelming you. I'm going to try not to smother if you can help me."
That's just a thought. I think maybe if you TELL her, she'll have warning, and she can help you help yourself. Just a thought.
Enjoy your relationship!
xxIndia
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Hun, you have to be careful here...nothing will turn a female off more than a needy, desperate, clingy guy. You will lose her if you keep this up. You need develop your self-esteem and have a life, beyond her! Get out and find new interests, hobbies,a activities, friends, things you can do without her. Basically get a life that doesn't always include her. Develop the areas of yourself that are special and which attracted her to you, in the first place. I want you to try a 'test'. Cut back on your contatc...calling her. Try to cut it in half. After awhile, see if you can go a whole day..then two days. See what happens! Not only will you be proud of yourself, but she will probably be wondering what happened to you! Don't worry-let her wonder. But I have to say, this is not the only thing that will work. You have to work hard on yourself. You have so many wounds, scars, doubts and fears, don't you? This is exactly why I preach that a good healthy does of 'self-love' is required before getting into any love relationships. When one of the two people is like you..smothering and needy, you are full of fear...then this is not a healthy love, and your neediness will knock the whole balance of the relationship off center. You need to work seriously on yourself and learn to love and accept yourself, and everything you do, say and think will eventually reflect how you feel about yourself. Like any wound, the scar of low self-esteem takes time to heal. Try not to rush the healing. I'd recommend that you get as much support and encouragement as you can get. Get into self-confidence building courses and talk to a counselor as to how you can work out your co-dependent feelings. Dig in and make the commitment to change and grow. But have tons of patience with yourself- youdeserve that and remember...it takes time to grow! Good luck, dear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): first of all, it is good that you have fallen in love again! everybody get`s hurt at one time or another. don`t be scared to jump back in there! Second of all, take it easy with the lady. ask her how she is feeling and if she thinks you are smothering her. tell her how much you love her and dont want to lose her. you don`t want to come off too needy though. take it easy and just enjoy every day with her.
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