A
male
age
51-59,
*ragonfire
writes:Been married close to 3 years but we been best friends for almost 15 while having sex all throughout. Sex was never a problem before we got married and now it seems to be going south. Been to counseling and try different stuff. Now it now that i'm not getting any it's the frequency of the time we do it. This is so frustrating to the point where I want to leave. When its come up now it usually starts a arguement or I just sleep on the couch or just try to stay out of bed or away from her. She states that she doesn't know whats wrong with her and why she doesnt like to have sex more often 1-2 times a week is good for her where as imma 3-4 times a week guy but if i dont initiate it we'll go a week without it. We are new to to area we just moved to and dont have any friends. She spends a lot of time talking to her sister and family. I hate rejection and i hate feeling unwanted. So what am I suppose to do
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male
reader, dragonfire +, writes (21 May 2010):
dragonfire is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ok this 1st part is for RyanS. In that instance you could be right but your wrong because the difference between those guys and me is that they are forced into those long wait because of their jobs and I'm not. We started off just fine and its has slacken up. A wise person said once that it gonna take the same thing to keep him that it took to get him. Just remember that my friend. We moved here over a years ago. the house is fine, the bills are taken care of and there are none pending stressful situations on our front.
My hormones are raging wether we do it or not but 1-2 times a week just dont cut it for me. I care for my wife, caress, compliment, and support in everyway. We share house duties even since she only works part time from home and i work full time. I give & do romantic gestures all the time. Basically I do my homework when it comes to making her feel good, support her & letting her know she is the queen in everyway. Dinner, movies, walks kissing & touching are all done on regular basis. We talk about whats wrong and all she comes up with is she doesnt know whats wrong or why the sex has decreased. She loves the sex and has multiple orgasms we havent quite made it to dressing up or anything.
She is close with her family and may have some issues dealing with them but thats all I can think of when dealing with stress. I back off when I know she stressed bout her family but this issue is about 4 years old.
A
male
reader, RyanS  +, writes (20 May 2010):
 Do you know there are guys who stay without sex for months at a time, despite having high libidos, when they are on offshore duty on the ships, rigs etc? And you are complaining about not having sex more than once a week, esp when you and wife have moved to a new place and she maybe having some stress.
Imagine you get some major tact default notice/penalty letter, and then asked to perform sex. I bet nothing will happen. Please try to be more understanding and if your hormones are raging, you have your hands. Support your wife and she will most likely respond in due time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): This is a very difficult situation, and resentment is clearly building up. One thing I would say is that for the majority of people, sex once or twice a week isn't seen as too bad. If you look through some of the posts on this subject on here, you will see many relationships in which sex doesn't happen for months, or even years. So keep things in perspective!! That said, I am also someone who needs sex more often than once or twice a week, so I do understand your frustration! All I'm saying is that this isn't a total disaster of a sex life so don't overreact! Before you take drastic action and leave over something that is really not THAT badly broken, perhaps there are some practical and emotional things you can try to bond with your partner again. Firstly, I think you need to work out why your partner doesn't want sex. One factor that many, many women would cite is tiredness. If this is the case with your partner, perhaps there are things that you can help her out with? I'm not saying this is the case in your house, but in many families, women do about 70% of the work at home, and a job on top... and that can easily create a situation in which sex is seen as yet another demand, yet another thing to get over, instead of something relaxing and enjoyable and important. If this does ring a bell, I suggest you speak to her not about sex, but about the division of labour in your household. If she believes that she is doing more than 50% of the chores, particularly if children are involved, she may be simply too knackered! Many women also feel resentful that they are expected to do so much. If this is the case, taking the burden off her by helping out a bit more, or by hiring a cleaner, might help you both in the bedroom. Secondly, and again, I'm just suggesting this as a possibility rather than saying that it's definitely true: does she get to enjoy sex? Do you give her plenty of attention and care, and make her orgasm every time? If the answer to any of that is no, she may simply have gone off sex because she's not enjoying it that much! Perhaps spending a bit more time on her pleasure could increase the frequency of sex for you too? Make it clear that you don't see sex as something you have a right to demand of her, but as an expression of the love between you. Also, keep things romantic and emotionally connected for a bit: make sure she realizes that sex is about how attractive you find her personality as a rounded human being. Asking her to parade around in heels and a corset is exciting, but in a longterm relationship, it requires a lot of confidence - at present, it might make her feel a bit insecure and inadequate, which is likely to put her off sex. Thirdly, remember sex isn't just about what happens in the bedroom: for women in particular, it's about how they feel treated by men as a whole. It sounds as though the pair of you have got stuck in a rut, and that she is taking you for granted somewhat, and possibly feeling a bit taken for granted herself. Perhaps a way to reignite the passion would be to spoil her and show her how much you care. Make her breakfast in bed, take her out on a nice walk, buy her dinner, just show that you care. It's not that women see sex as a reward for romance, but that they see it as an essentially emotional act that is about intimacy and closeness and not just physical release - so increasing the expression of love between you is likely to boost your sex life. Finally, does she have anxieties in her life, and things that are bothering her? Those can wreak havoc on sex lives! Giving her a chance to talk about these things with you, by being a sympathetic listener, might enhance the intimacy between you and prevent her need to talk to her family and friends so constantly.I hope that you can work things out!
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