A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Please help I have been in a dilemma for many years. I was married for 25 years but somehow I felt my husband did not love me. To make story short, I got really closed to a colleague and his love for me felt so strong. In parallel my husband was getting further and further. Becoming very secretive I believed he meet someone else or even was homosexual. The situation became unbearable and I left. Seems that everything my husband did was to encourage me to leave and give his freedom back. I eventually moved in with my colleague whom gave me all the attention and love but I was still not happy and felt so guilty and curious about my ex-husband. Meanwhile my ex-husband made a girlfriend nearly half his age. I could not bare this. I was in so much pain and was making my new boyfriend very unhappy. My ex-husband and I both lied to our new partners and to ourselves and spending time together nearly as if nothing happened. I was staring arguments trying to find out more. He got responsible for his new girlfriend and rented her an apt. and taking care of her. I was so upset. Now year have past and I am still in contact with ex-husband at same time I am still involved my boyfriend who is making future plans for us trying to make me happy. I have no idea how he can tolerate this situation. On other hand I am not sure if my ex is also still responsible for this young girl. It hurts me to think that he loved another person. If he is I know he cheated on her because I have proof and ex also admitted that he was seing escorts from time to time. Now I speak about future with my ex and also with my boyfriend. I see good reasons to stay with one or the other. I am seeing a psychologist but I don’t think it is helping me. I fear to loose both. In my heart I wish I could forget about my ex-husband and make new life because he has hurt me so much and he is too independent for my taste. Somehow my ex uses me for practical reasons like have his address where I live this way we still keep contact. We are not young anymore I am 48. I am so confused and cannot make decision. I sometimes wonder if I can live without my ex. After everything that happened and all the pain we have cause in our marriage can one forget? Please advise
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 As you have said before, when you were married to your husband you were not happy therefore if I am honest I dont think he would make you happy now either. I think the best thing for you to do is tell your ex husband that he cannot contact you again and try and move on from him. Off course it will be hard 25 years was a long time to be married to someone. But things must have got really bad when you decided to end all of that and move in with your new partner. I think you owe it to both you and your current partner to make a go of things. Dont allow any contact between you and your ex and try and live this other life now where he is not a part of it.
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