A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hii have been seeing a married guy now for about 7 months, when i first met him he told me he was married so when he offered me his number i declined but we bumped into each other a few more times and i still refused to get into a relationship with him but we just clicked and kind of kept in touch and we now see each other on average twice a week. he told me he was married when we frst met and he has never once called his wife or made excuses as to why he wants to see me, he just says he really likes to be with me! its not all about sex as its very rare we get the chance, he has now started to hint that he has developed feelings for me and that it feels strange to him and he knows he has to keep his feelings in check! he has been with his wife for 10 years and they have two children together aged 4 and 6, he did tell me they went through a very bad period a couple of years ago and almost split but with some help they sorted things out and stayed together. My problem is do i carry on seeing him? i really like him and if im honest i have feelings for him too, but i dont believe there is a future for us, he has never once given me false hope that there can ever be anything more than what we have but if im honest with myself i think 'you just never know'! am i being stupid and selfish. i believe he is happy with his wife as he has never said anything on the contrary but then again if he was truly happy he wouldnt want to see me would he? is there hope or no hope? should i finish it now, what do you think?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (21 February 2007):
 You KNOW this guy is married. If you were to do the honerable thing it would be to bow out and tell him he needs to either work at his marriage or leave his wife....and this needs to be done with him having a clear head. Not befuddled with 'feelings' for you. I have no doubt he has some sort of 'emotion' for you, it is all new and wonderful at the beginning. And while he is getting his cake with his wife, and eating it with you he will never make the decisons he needs to.
Plus, will you ever trust him if he becomes yours? You know he has cheated before, so will he do it to you when he gets bored further down the line?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): I have been seeing a maaried man for three years and i can honestly say all the lies and guilt are making me very ill.Get out whilst you can,he will never leave his Wife believe me,he,ll just string you along for the rest of your life if you let himAnd i,m sure you are worth much more than thatGood luck with your future x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): I disagree with the woman who called you selfish. the man is selfish-- using you for his physical and emotional needs without any regard for a) your feelings, b) wife's feelings, c) 6 year old's feelings, d) 4 year old's feelings. You are not selfish, but you have been stupid. I encourage you to be more selfish in the future, and think about yourself and what you deserve. Don't you want a boyfriend who can love and respect you? In the "best" case scenario, if you ended up with this man, could you ever trust him not to cheat on YOU?
Dump his ass!
ET
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (14 February 2007):
 Hi there,
I have been through exactly the same thing myself, im ashamed to say.
My b/f did leave his wife though, and now we are together. But he was very unhappy and had always wanted to leave. I think here lies the diference.
I agree with you that if he was that happy at home, why would he look elsewhere, there must be something wrong.
It dosn't sound likely that he will leave to be honest. But even if he did, its lot to live with. I think although i love my B/F dearly i would have given it a lot more thought before i took it all on.
Believe me its harder than you think. And with very young children, its going to be messy.
If you can do it, i would break up with this guy and find a single man to love.
If he truly loves you, he will let you go. You do not want to have to live with this on your concience. And if he really is unhappy, then its up to him to sort it out without envolving you.
Best of luck XX
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 Yes you are very selfish. Here is the proof. Answer this question and you'll be very clear as to what I mean. When he offered you his number the first time, why did you decline it?
Can you answer that honestly? Let me know.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (12 February 2007):
 If he has developed feelings for you then he should leave his wife.
Question you should be asking yourself is:
Would he be faithful to you?
What about the wife and kids? He is having his cake and eating it.
You are better off leaving this guy as he may never leave his wife and kids, prepare yourself for that.
Find someone who is available to commit to you.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, miki06 +, writes (12 February 2007):
 This man is still with his wife and has two children, i think that you should not be involved with him no matter how much he says that he really likes you because his status is still "married" if he can do this to his wife he can do the same to you if he decides to leave his wife and kids, i'm sure you've heard of that before. Don't be the third wheel because you know you don't want something like that to happen to you when have a husband, oh oops forgot the already 7months part, but yeah you should stop seeing him and like wut kenny said find someone who doesn't have a wife and kid(s). You won't have happiness with him so don't drag any longer, because you'll always be in the shadow, and you wouldn't be the one he's coming home to. And would you be ok with the fact that you would have to share him? You could wait for a long long time for him to leave his wife and he most likely never will, and by then so many years would pass by...you would most likely get hurt/regret it and thought you should've found your own husband to love you and only you. So Good Luck
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (12 February 2007):
sorry hun but its very rare a man leaves his wife for his mistress.
find someone who can be with you and only you, who can show you all the love and attention you deserve. cut your ties with this guy, how can a man who cheats be any good?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (12 February 2007):
 I think this guy is in the wrong here, he has a wife and two children, whilst trying to be with you also.
He wants his cake and eat it, invariably these guys never leave their wives, so ultimately you become his mistress or bit on the side meeting up whenever he can sneak away. I woulden't imagine this would be a nice life for you, great for him, he gets you, then hops back into bed with the wife at the end of the night.
I would say drop this guy and find someone who dosen't have a wife and kids in the background.
Good luck x
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