A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was recently told I was awful at giving a guy a blowjob. I mean, it was my first time and all, and he knew that. He just simply told me I was awful at it. I asked him what I could do to improve and he just said "get better" while shrugging. I know I have to get better with practice, but I'm unwilling to try since he's being too impatient with me and I hate the fact that he's not helping me at all. This is my boyfriend! He should at least try and be helpful about it... Or maybe it's just me and I should automatically know what to do? I don't know. My questions: Is my boyfriend right to treat me this way? What can I do to improve my confidence and try again?I really am scared to try again, because he told me I was awful and yet he still wants me to do it. I really don't want to in case he treats me the same or says he doesn't enjoy it again. Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Hannah1987 +, writes (20 June 2008):
F**K him! you did it the only way you knew how! if he really valued you he would be grateful! he obviously wants someone who has been round the block a few times! you should not feel scared, i would tell him to F**K off and get it somewhere else. Value yourself and dont feel pressured. Give yourself to someone who deserves you. H x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): I'm the original poster of this question, and we've been going out for around two months now. This is the first time I've ever gotten any where near sexual with anyone, and he knew that. He's never gone down on me, in response to Albion28.
I told him that I wasn't going to do it again if it was awful, and he said he understood, however is still trying to make me do it. I'm going to break up with him because I've realised that he really isn't worth my time. Thank you to everyone who responded.
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A
male
reader, Albion28 +, writes (1 June 2008):
I'm afraid to say you may have picked yourself a wrong 'un there. For someone to tell you, your first time, that you're terrible at anything is rude and unnecessary. Your boyfriend is a bounder and a cad. There's a difference between constructive criticism and... That.I notice you haven't mentioned whether he's ever gone down on you. *If* you keep him as your boyfriend (something I'd think long and hard about), then perhaps you could insist he performs for you first and then see about his performance.In short, he's a bad guy.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 Well if it was that awful why does he want it again?
He sounds like an asshole. There are somethings you do and somethings you just don't do and telling a girl who just gave you head that she was awful is as big a NO-NO as they come.
Anyway, unless you bit him or took the term blow job literally it can't have been that bad. He did come right?
If he came, then you did it the right way. Sure with experience you will become even better but it was good enough to get the job done.
He acted like a jerk, your choice on whether you want to do this for a guy who acts like this or even want to be with him at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Sorry hon, your boyfriend sounds like a real jerk. You really shouldn't waste anymore time with him. If he's not willing to be understanding and help you out then he doesn't deserve you, especially since you were helping him out!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 Maybe you need to learn a little about oral sex, but he needs to learn a lot about how to deal with problems in bed.
Some people seem to have been born with excellent instincts for lovemaking. Most others need to learn. You need to learn how to give oral, which would be pleasurable for him, and he just complains. Now this is nonsense.
Ask him how he thinks you can improve. Send the ball to his court. Or, tell him you won't be giving him any more oral, as you're no good, in his opinion.
This is wrong, too, because he shouldn't insult you.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 While I agree that you are having relationship issues with your boyfriend (because simply put, he should respect you for trying something you've never done before), but I'm not going to pass along comments related to that -- I think the other replies have given you items to consider.
No, what I'm going to do is offer you some reading material that might help out your technique. I've posted this link before and I think it has helped others asking similar questions. The web is covered with just about anything sexual and all it takes is about 10 seconds of search on Google. So, with that, try reading this and see if it gives you some technique ideas.
Best wishes!!
http://theovereducatednympho.com/2007/03/14/blowjob-part-3-hand-mouth/
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A
female
reader, tsurugi-ijin +, writes (1 June 2008):
 No, this isnt right for him to say this to you at all. Its horrible and cruel.
could you write an update with how long you've been going out.
My best advice would be that this looks like a bad relationship and to get your confidence back would be a guy that truely respects you and is happy with you rather than your current bf who seams to be to be a.. jerk sorry.
I wont set my advice down as concrete as theres not alot to go on from what youve written, but you deserve a guy who respects you, not impatiently asks you to give him more of what hes just insulted you for.
Please Write an Update,
All the Best, Jin
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A
female
reader, soadzealot +, writes (1 June 2008):
I don't think your boyfriend is worth improving for... In fact, I don't think he's worth any more of your time. He sounds pretty jerkish, and although I don't know him personally, I wouldn't put up with someone who wouldn't even try to talk about something so intimate. If you really feel that you must stay with him and want to try again, tell him he's either going to have to help you out while it's happening, or he can deal with not getting any more.
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