A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year and a half. He's an amazing person and I love him, he's my best friend.We don't live together and for a while now he's been asking me when we're going to move in together. We've talked about our future and I know he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.I thought I felt the same but as soon as he's started to push the moving in together issue I've started to back off a little bit and wonder if I'm actually ready to committ to him fully, move in and marry him in the next few years.I don't want to come across as a snob, but my major issue I think is that he's not university educated and has changed jobs many times. At the moment he's set up a business (which I'm a part of) and is only in his current job until, as he says, the business 'takes off.' I on the other hand have two degrees and work as an attorney making pretty good money. I've always been a high achiever and took my schooling seriously. I put in a lot of work to get where I am now career wise and I value job security a lot.I am basically scared to start a life with him not having that financial security which I need. Although I make enough money to support myself, this is not what a marriage is about. To me it's about partnership and the fact that he isn't taking his job seriously and has put all he's got into this business (which has been very slow to take off) is scaring me.So my question to you all is...am I being too picky and too analytical here? My boyfriend is amazing, treats me so well, respects me and would do anything for me. Am I asking for too much? Or are these differences enough to make me think twice about setting up a life with him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 April 2011):
 I understand your line of thought. It is not that you want HIM to be the solo bread winner, but an equal in every way.
What you do have to consider is this. He is who he is. THAT is the guy you fell for. You can not change and mold him into this "perfect" guy. To me it looks like he is at least TRYING to become financially secure and stable.
Why not give it a little time? It's not like you have to get married tomorrow.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 April 2011):
 for me the key is that i can support myself so that my man's money is my extra... my play money.
I own my home and that's my security. I have a good secure job so whatever my man has is icing on our cake...
if a man treats you well, does his best to pull his own weight (i.e. he's working and contributing in some way) then maybe it's worth a shot.
Women who are independent enough to be able to support themseleves have the luxury of loving a man for himself not his ability to support her financially... there are other ways to pull your weight in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): i understand where you're coming from. you worked very hard to get to where you're at and you want a partner who values the same thing and has the same drive and work ethic as you. that's acceptable and there's nothing wrong with that. you're allowed to have certain traits you expect out of a marriage partner, and it he doesn't meet those expectations, then maybe you should reconsider.
At the same time, it is hard to find someone who treats you that well and makes you that happy. only you know the true answer to your question. but if you're already questioning...sounds like there's a problem.
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