A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am just writing in for some advice, i have been involved in a relationship for the last almost 3 yrs now.i am crazily in love with this guy.infact the story goes like this.before i started dating this guy i had asked him if caste or religion wud bea problem with his family as i did not want to get involved or have a boyfriend just for the fun of it. and then he said that his parents wud be happy with what he was happy with..so for the first yr and half things were smooth..i had told my parents abt him within 5 months of being with him and they were happy coz i was happy..but his parents only knew that we both were good friends.. hence when i asked him to speak to his parents firstly he was reluctant got angry with me..and said that he wud speak to them face to facebook when he went home to see them..his parents do not live in his country.. few months went on and when i finally asked him to speak to his family...he very angrly said yes and spoke to his sister who then spoke to his mother...we come from two diffferent religion but same country india..and his mother said no...saying marrying me wud affect their families reputation and prestige..but even then my bf told me that he will try to convince them. in that time he went back to india and when he was there he did not even ring me...and one fine day when he rung me he said that this will not work out as he has trust issues with me...he cannot trust my guy friends and he feels that i have been unfaithful to him....when on the other hand i was ready to do and die for him...i was ready to fight the world for him...the moment he told me that i was devastated i cudnt believe the fact that he had trust issues with me...i begged to speak to his mother.. but he refused to give me her number...then when he came back to UK...we met up and even though he kept telling me that there was no future between us...he still treated me as his girlfriend....and we were back together as normal....things have been up and down since then between us..there was a period of 3-4 months where in we kept a distance from each other we did not contact each other but it was so hard....i cried myself to sleep everynight...i was miserable...and a few months back i met him again and we are back to normal just like girlfriend and boyfriend...as if nothing happened but know that there is no future to this...infact he told me this a few weeks back that the main reason for the break up was due to his family not being able to accept me...as if i got married to him then his younger cousins wud not be able to get married to people from the same community...and he said that he is doing as a big sacrifice of his own happiness for his family...and within the last few weeks he has also started seeing other gals with respect to marriage and also communicating with this one girl who is apparently from the same community as him....it hurts me like hell to see this...i love him so much...i want to see him happy but it is making me sad very sad....my question to u is this...do u think this guy genuinely loves me...is he really making a sacrifice for his family...the other question is how cud he not know what his family is like....before we started dating each other...he told me that his family is very open and wud accept me as long as he was happy...so my question is did he not know his parents well enuf or otherwisemy last qestion is i love his guy so much....i cannot see my life without him...we have shared so many dreams together...he says he will always be there for me as a friend....he is already makin the steps to move on my talking to other girls but i am stuck...unable to open my heart....i dont know what to do to detach myself completely from this relationship....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (10 May 2009):
 They say that loves conquers all, but clearly he isn't prepared to give up everything for you and that is what you deserve - unconditional love.
The truth is he is going to leave you. He may want occasional sex but he doesn't want you as a life partner. Many Asian and middle eastern men regard it as a significant trophy to have someone from another ethnic group as their girlfriend.
The months ahead are going to be bad for you - sorry. There is no other way to say it. The great thing is, and you don't realise it now, it creates space for the person who will give you unconditional love. You are going to be happier in the end. Believe that. Keep strong.
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