A
female
age
41-50,
*lassic events
writes:Hallo guys. I dont know if i am worrying over nothing. My husband is outside the country. And i am going to be visiting him soon for a whole month. My worry is my daughter who is only 4 and is in nursery. I plan to leave her with my kid sister who is 23. She has never stayed with any kid on her own. I am not so confident that she can take care of my daughter well, though she has assured me she will be fine. I cant really put a finger on what exactly my fears are. I am just being hesitant. I am even thinking of cancelling the trip but then i also want to be with my husband. So i am torn in between being with my daughter and being with my husband. Do you think i am being irrational? What can i do to feel better? How else can i feel more secure? I am really stressed. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Classic events +, writes (26 January 2013):
Classic events is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all cupids who responded. I finally took that 5 week trip. And I am happy to say it went so well. My sister managed to take care of things so well. Those who helped with tips, I thank you so much. I would call each night and I left a note for her to remind . It was a success. But I don't think i will ever take another such trip until my child is older. I must admit I was a bit worried. Thank you all once again.
A
female
reader, Classic events +, writes (19 September 2012):
Classic events is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your advice. I will consider all you said. Its not really a vacation,i must add, the main reason i want to be with my husband is because we are trying for another baby and i feel that every opportunity counts.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 Cancel the trip. Your husband is coming back in just 4 months !, you can surely sacrifice your ( very legitimate ) wishes in the interest of your own daughter, right ?
4 years is still very young, one month is a relevant amount of time for leaving your child in charge of somebody else , and, abroad is abroad. In case, God forbid, she should have an accident, or have to be admitted to the hospital, you would not be a phone call away or a couple of hours drive away - you'd have to fly back home, I guess, and maybe you could only reach her 24 or 48 hours later. What if you had to give your consent for an urgent operation ? How could you give an informed consent by PHONE ?
Let's be less dramatic, and say ,instead, what if she fells in the playground and needs a couple of stiches . that happens all the time. No big deal , of course, but still, I think, your child would need her MOM beside, not even the best , sweetest of baby sitters.
If your long travel were absolutely necessary for some reason, work or your health etc.etc, - then OK, often people have do what they can not what they want.
But for a vacation ?... when dad will be home in 4 months ?... I would not risk it.
Also, it would be different if the child was already used to spend extended period of times with her Aunt ( which you don't mention ) or if your sister was an experienced babysitter with lots of child minding under her belt ( which you do not mention either ). But they way things are, pardon my bluntness , if there is anything irrational, is thinking of going abroad on your own for a month !
If you feel you CAN'T wait, why not just bringing her along ? It's not the end of the world for a kid to stay 4 weeks in a hotel room. When my son was 5 he had to live SIX weeks in a hotel room and that did not affect negatively either his health or his mood, in fact he enjoyed the experience. So what if she won't be able to " play around " for few weeks ? she can draw, watch cartoons, play with her dolls,you can read her aloud, ... the stuff normally kids do on rainy days.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 I think Ciar's solution is a very good one.
Try several trial runs. I think that is very important. your daughter's well being must come first. She is a defenceless child and you will not enjoy the trip to see your husband if you are worried sick about her welfare.
Surely it might be much better if your husband was able to vist you instead?
A whole month is a very long time.
And you should ALWAYS listen to your hunches and your fears.
It is a long time to give your husband 1/12 of the year all for him.
And it only takes a small mistake and something could happen to your daughter
there are so many pitfalls possible.Things your sister may not even think of.
Not to mention the fact that your daughter may cry a lot and your sister may not have the skills to handle a upset child.
I would ask if your husband could visit you instead.
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A
female
reader, Classic events +, writes (19 September 2012):
Classic events is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your responses. I tell you it's a very difficult decision i have to make. And to answer your questions. My husband is working outside th country for the next 4 months. I cant take my daughter with me because my husband is staying in a hotel room and the place is not conducive for a four year old to feel free and play around. And i cant shorten the trip because i can only go and visit him this one time for the whole 4 mnths that he is there. Its a wonderful idea to bring another relative along. Or maybe someone who has kids, although she may want to bring her kids along and it may be more complicated and a bit expensive. Besides calling back everyday, what other precautions or measures do you think i can take to ensure my daughter is safe?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 September 2012):
 What about a trial run? Have your sister mind her for an afternoon, then a day and then a couple of days before you go. My advice is to trust your gut and place your daughter's safety above your desire to see your husband (as understandable as the latter is). Sadly there are far too many parents out there who would give anything to go back and make different choices. If you aren't sure the little munchkin is safe you won't have a very good time anyway.
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A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (18 September 2012):
 Can't you take your daughter with you? Or maybe cut the trip shorter? Even if your sister is perfectly capable of looking after your daughter you're going to feel anxious no matter what. There's no way I'd want to be away from my kids for a whole month and 4 years old is very young to be leaving her for that long.
If you really must go for the whole month then I would say get someone else to help your sister out and keep an eye on things. If you don't trust your child will be looked after then you'll never enjoy yourself anyway as you'll just worry the entire time.
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