A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi All, I need help and opinions... My longterm girlfriend broke up with me over a month ago now, saying she didnt have affectionate feelings for me anymore. A year previous she had said the same, but we managed to work through it. She said we argued too much, and that I made her feel worthless and horrible. That really hurt me, as I tried to treat her well, took her away on city breaks, loads of shows, holidays, nice surprize presents etc. None of which she done for me, in all the time we were together, she tried to cook once, which felt very half hearted.I was not pleasant to her at times, she made me very frustated alot of the time as she never really opened up to me, and in addition to the lies she'd told me about 3 months into our relationship it wasnt a good mix as I always felt like if I wanted to know anything, I had to ask. When I did ask too much, she got funny about it and then I reminded her about the trust issue and we argued, often with me telling her to get out (Even though we nearly always made up).The months before the end, it was petty horrible, I treated her badly, and often avoiding kissing her or hugging her when she wanted to, or when she tried. She stopped having sex and doing sexual stuff as she said why should she if I was horrible to her, in turn I got mor frustated, and we'd argue. She never really started anything sexual, and it was an issue I'd speak to her about, and tell her that I felt like she didnt want me, nothing changed. The problem im having is regret, I regret so many things that I done in the relationship. Making her cry, over reacting terribly, checking up on her, making her feel worthless and talking to her like she was nothing. It hurts to think I was like that. But then I think why was I like that? If she hadn't of lied to me, and had been open and honest, alot of the checking up and anger wouldn't have been there? Am I too blame for this? Its tearing me up inside and I really need to make peace with this because I feel like I can never move on until I do... help..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (2 April 2008):
 I dont think either of you are bad people. I just think you werent right for each other and the relationship brought out the worst in both of you.
I think you should apologise to her if you are carrying that guilt around so you can stop beating yourself up about it and move on. You're right, you reacted like that because of how she acted. And she acted the way she did as a reaction to how you acted. The lies made you frustrated and aggressive towards her. Which made her distance herself from you. Which made you not want to be affectionate towards her. Which made her not want to have sex. It went in a cycle and you antagonised each other to the point where the relationship was destroyed. But the important point to remember is it was a bad relationship, that doesnt make you a bad person.
City Breaks, Shows, holidays and presents are all fine and well but if you speak to a woman badly or treat her badly she will feel worthless no matter how much money you spend on her. Just a little fyi for the future :)
Take care
Brooke
xx
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