A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What should I do about these problems with my boyfriend?. He has Bipolar Disorder. He was very drunk a couple of nights ago. I was on the phone to him. He was shouting and swearing at people going past. He put the phone down for a second , and I could hear him in the distance shouting at people. He came back on the phone after that though. I didn't hear from him again until late last night. He told me that he had gotten into a fight with the police. He said they had said something about me, so he got into a fight with them. They locked him in a cell overnight. He called me again this morning, and said that he wanted to meet up with me. But then, he got in a bad mood with me because I was asking him about what had happened. He asked me why I was questioning everything, and he called me stupid and then hung up on me. I love him so much, but I am really stressed because of his behaviour. I do feel sorry for him as he has a mental illness, but I feel that he brought this on himself ( being drunk, getting into the fight and getting locked up). Even if they did say horrible things to him, it was no excuse for him to get into a fight.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 What do you know about bi polar personality disorder? Are you well informed?
There is nothing you can do about this. My father is bi polar, and paranoid, like your boyfriend is. You can't question him about anything, he will feel under attack. He never wants to tell, he thinks everyone is out to get him. And he gets into fights, not always physically, but orally, with just about anyone. He gets this ideas about them being out to get him on a personal level. He is extremely jealous, extremely suspicious, and cam be extremely negative. His mood changes fast.
Your boyfriend is sick. With something that is permanent. It will ALWAYS be something that is part of him, it will ALWAYS be something that causes trouble and demands extreme patience, endurance, and tolerance beyond what normal people are willing to accept. You can not change that, he can not change that. This, these fights with random people, ending up in arguments with police, snapping at you for asking questions.. this will ALWAYS be part of your relationship.
Some times, when we love someone, we have to let them go both for our own sake and theirs. It is a hard and difficult thing to do, I know. But he is not family, after all. He is a boyfriend, someone you can't expect will be with you forever in your life. Boyfriends come and go, and you CAN have another boyfriend after this one. It's not like it is with my father, I can't replace my father, I'll always just have one father. And even then, I've been advised to cut contact with him, and have thought about it too.
Realize that this relationship cannot make you happy, he is sick, he cannot give you what you want and need. My father never had a successful, happy relationship in his life. I know how his life is. I have been living with him, having him as part of my life, longer than ANY woman he's been in a relationship with. I know very well how he is, as a child I wasn't able to distance myself from him, I've seen EVERYTHING he is capable of. And I'm telling you, seeing as your boyfriend is already physical, fighting, verbally abusive.. You need to end this relationship. You don't want to hear it, but even as a child I knew it wasn't right, and even as a child I had to stand up to my father and fight him, in order to protect my younger siblings. Even as a child I knew I had to get away from him.
You are an adult. You know that this isn't right. You have the freedom to remove yourself from him, to not have him in your life. I didn't have that option as a child. I was forced to stay. You're not forced to stay. See that the door is open for you to leave, and have a happy life, with a boyfriend who isn't sick. Do what is right, for both you and him. You're not doing him any favours by staying, all you will do is provide him with a punching bag, and enabling him to continue his behaviour.
If you think he wont ever hit you (maybe he hasn't so far), just see how he treats others. He ends up in fights, he's already verbally abusive. It is a very short distance to physical abuse. You have a responsibility to look after yourself. And a responsibility to look after your future children. You can't ever have children with this man, you can't ever leave him alone with children. It would be utterly selfish and irresponsible of you. You're an adult. You know what you must do.
Love him from a distance, if you must.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 Very familia with Bipolar---mother-in-law and daughter-in-law both....Drinking intensifies the manic stage and therefor keep him away from drinking situations altogether!
If he refuses to admit to the diagnosis(denial) then you might want to consider leaving...Manic/depresion is so self destrutive you will eiither get hurt or have to watch him ge hurt.i.e. suicidal. Good luck it's not a pretty place to be in, I know.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 I have a friend who is bipolar, and if he is not on his medication he becomes unpredictable with spurts of aggression / violence. When he gets like this, similar to the state your boyfriend is in, he has to be admitted to the hospital. We have had to do two interventions in the last few years. If he is not willing to admit himself voluntarily, we call the police and the Paramedics. The police is there to make sure that he does not get aggressive with the paramedics, and the paramedics take him to the Emergency, where he is evaluated and admitted to the psychiatric ward. He usually spends about a week, before he is released.
If your boyfriend is not on meds, his behaviour will worsen. I think you need to do an intervention, but you should get his friends and family involved. Do not attempt this alone.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 I understand that you love him, but if this happens a lot then YOU need to realize that:
1. he is not going to change.
2. he needs more help then you can give him. My guess is he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him and that he isn't on medication or getting help with his anger issues.
3. Love isn't a magic cure all. Love can't "fix" a bi-polar person, no matter how much or how deeply you love him it's NOT going to make him all better.
I doubt that random people go tell him horrible things JUST because he is bi-polar. And why would the Police talk smack about you to such an extent that he had to get into a fight to "protect your honor"?
Him getting drunk, getting in to fighting and ending up locked up for the night HAS NOTHING to do with you. THAT is all on him and HIS actions.
This is not going to stop, so you really have two choices, stay and suck it up and live this nightmare with a person you love, or get out now. Tell him to get help.
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