A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello! I've been seeing this guy for about a year now. problem is, he's 8 years older than i am, which doesn't seem to get in the way of our relationship as we both see it as just a number. I'm 18 and he's 26. We really love each other and get on great together. We share simmilar interests and our families know of our relationship and approve. We are both of the same background, however I am from the UK and have been born and raised in a western atmosphere. however, i have managed to keep true to my culture, faith and roots. He, on the other hand is from a small village overseas, but came here for further education, he has now been in this country for over five years and has graduated. Communication is not a problem as he has a great grasp of the english language and i dont have any problems speaking in my mothertongue. He has plans of settling down here and is now looking for long term commitment i.e. marriage. He is now working and has a reasonable income with a respectable job. Resorting back to the fact that he is from a village, it is considered normal to have an arranged marriage and at a young age. He is being pressured immensely by his parents to get married as they feel he is getting old and should get married as soon as possible. He asked me to marry him and has also spoken to my parents about this. I think he's the one and would love to marry him. My parents approve of him and have asked him to wait a few years as i am still young, this conflicts with his parents wanting to get him married asap, he says he can wait for me for up to two years which i feel is quite reasonable on his side, but i feel im going to need a couple more years in order to finish my education. i know he loves me, but he cannot take a stand in front of his parents because he has allegedly been putting it off for quite some time. he has promised me i can carry on my education after getting married to him if i marry him, otherwise he has no choice but to get married to whomever his parents want. I know that it's not possible to carry on studying once you're married, but i still dont want to lose him. He has also promised to buy a seperate house once we're married, despite his initial intentions of bringing his wife into a joint family in his brother's house where he currently lives. i can understand his position, but i think right now i'm too young to be wed. I am aware of the fact that i will have to miss out on a lot of things, but i am ready to sacrifice everything for this man. what should i do?pls pls help!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): No. Do not marry him. This is so so so so serious. I am so thankful to God that He broke up my relationship with a guy I was engaged to when I was 18. I would not have done it because I am too faithful, but my ex fiance broke off our engagement and I am so grateful. If you only knew how much the guy I am talking about changed negatively since I was with him at 18 (6 years ago). He is so not for me and if you already know that about your guy, please do not continue!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): You said it in your answer, 'sacrifice'. You know what the word sacrifice means as you used it in your question so you know you are going to give up everything...has he asked you to 'sacrifice' yourself for him? Tell me more as I need to know what it is exactly you realise you are going to give up? If he is from a small village as you say, he will understand what it means to work hard, have dreams and achive goals and make sacrifices, so should understand how important it is for you too. You need to achieve these for yourself before embarking on any kind of commitment.
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A
female
reader, Beki +, writes (29 April 2007):
 I think he going about this all wrong he should want to marry you to be with you not because his parents are presurring him, sure its a tradition in his country but not in this one, the question is how do you even things out. You want to be with him, but you have doubt. I think in thyis situation if you want to get married there should be no doubt in your mind. I don't think its fair on him to keep him hanging on for two years then decide you don't want him. I think because there is alot of doubt in your mind you shouldn't get married what you do after that is up to you.
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