A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice on this one. Its tricky. Am pregnant. The father of the baby has not been very supportive. He buys food and well made me sign a receipt saying I owed him 100 quid so I did and will pay it back to him and get him to sign a receipt but the whole process upset me so much I now dont want to go out with him anymore so have been avoiding him cos I felt so belittled. There is another man I really like who knows I really like him..he came on strong when we were broken up and backed off cos I wanted to get my head straight in terms of who I wanted to be with and cos I still carried a torch for the father of the baby. But now cos the father of the baby has really upset me so much I don't want to get back with him and I want to start off fresh with this other guy but have been taking it real slow...nothing has happened but the chemistry is there at least. He is not sure of me and thinks that I prob dont want him cos I showed him little to no interest when he made advances on me. The min he ignores me I felt so challenged. I dont know why. Now he is playing hard to get and I want him..the father of the baby wants to get back with me but I dont want to get back with him cos he doesnt make me feel good when I am with him. He doesnt make me feel special anymore and he doesnt even go to the hospital for the scans and stuff. This other man has no prob with all that and has been very supportive..cos he does not like what the father of the baby is doing to me anyway...so now am ignoring both but feel upset cos I know this sounds unnatural but I think I can be happier with the other man if he would just show an interest. I think the prob is he felt rejected by me at the time, now he rejects me and I want him. He wants me but is not totally sure. He told me himself. The father of the baby keeps ringing me and I keep on missing his calls cos I am so fed up of being let down by him over and over again. The father offered to come out to see me but I wasnt interested at all and avoided the topic totally but am uncomfy. I am worried that I will get rid of the father and then maybe this man will let me down in the same way so that is why am avoiding them both...I have been on my own for a while now so I thought by now I would have got my head around this...anyway cos the other man has been so nice to me I FINALLY start to see that...but I think he has cooled off cos he feels that I might reject him again...the father I feel is just using this pregnancy to try to stay with me and I am not happy cos I feel he just tries to stay with me for the wrong reasons. He says he wants me but I dont want him cos he is not treating me right...I told him whatever happens he can always see the child. I thought he would get the message there...that hey this isnt working but have no probs if you want to see child etc...as the child has a right and I wont deny that..in other words, I wont be a bitch to you...just dont think I should stay cos he is trying to keep with me just cos of the baby. He also appears to be a complete commitment-phobe. He doesnt pull his weight around my flat and I am sick of mopping up after him so have hit the wall and said to myself ENOUGH. He never even dates me anymore. He just comes to my place cos its near to work. We both work in the same place. He lives far away from work. Any advice would be really helpful...I know I should not be wanting to be with this other person or thinking that way but cos they are so sincere I start to think hang on I should be with him not this guy... :-( I know its wrong to think that way right...but if you had been consistently let down by your bf who was on and off during pregnancy - there comes a point when you say...Im not taking this anymore. Am at the half way point too..I have done nothing but want to know what people think.. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you hun...sadly I am not joking about the receipt. I told him I felt belittled...he said that I was over-reacting. I said yeah right as if...so I stood up to him tonight. He turned up to my door unannounced claiming he had told me..I never let him in...like you say just being normal with both but putting them both on the long finger..thanks for your reply...I guess its all I can do..like you say they may change after seeing the baby...I dont know..
A
female
reader, RCK  +, writes (16 November 2009):
Good on you for taking time out for yourself. But now you really have to think who is going to be best for you and the baby now not just you. My advice would be to stick it out on your own and just remain friends with both men. When baby is here there may be change in attitude in either men or even yourself. Right now if your pregnant your hormones will be everywhere but do wha is best for baby and just take time out thinking about which guy to be with. The father is not supportive and writes a receipt for you to pay money back to him "You have got to be joking right!!!!" I hope you deduct the amount from the child support that he will be paying you soon. The male that sticks around with you through thick and thin and respect you and your child will be the correct person to choose. Good Luck for the future.
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