A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:since my boyfriend slept with another girl and we split up and got back together i have found myself constantly obsessing about my looks, before i see him i will make sure i look the best i possibly can even when we are doing things that require me to dress down i will still try really hard. I have stopped eating so much so that i will loose weight despite the fact im within perfect weight range as it is, i know its all stupid behaviour but i cant stop it, i have started weighing myself every day and am begining to worry that im developing an eating disorder, i know in my mind that im a good weight- im 9 stone and 5ft 7, but when i look in the mirror i see an ugly and unworthy person.
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female
reader, problemsolverx +, writes (17 August 2008):
hi, i have recently been cheated on and i know what your going through but he has apoligised and realised it was wrong.Do not change yourself for this man,he should be trying to impress you.After all it was him who cheated in the first place.Just remember that your beautiful no matter what anyone says.This man loves you and will accept you for who you are,if not then hes not worthit.If the weight loss continues then i would suggest you contacted your GP they will know what to do and help you get on track again.
hope this helps xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): Try to realize that cheating isn't all about running across a willing partner with good looks. Neither is wanting to cheat. Look at some of the celebrities that get cheated on. Some of them are GORGEOUS, and yet their lovers have been caught cheating on them with other people that are nowhere near as attractive or even respectable. It happens all the time.People cheat for all kinds of reasons, and looks aren't the reasons with a lot of it. It many not even be much about YOU at all.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Hi,
I will keep this short as you have had really good reply's already. Its not you that needs to make the effort its HIM. By going with another girl he has made you feel bad about yourself, but why should you. If anything he should be showering you with love and afection. Dont fall into the trap that you should feel gratefull to have him back, because he will not respect you honey. Look good for yourself, and get you confidence back. And if he doesnt start to show how sorry his arse should be, then kick him to the curb and move on. Remember you are wonderfull and deserve to be treated like the princess you are. XXXX
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (26 June 2008):
 The fact that you are recognising some of the factors that could mean you may end up having an eating disorder is good.
When a relationship is not good a weaker partner will go off with someone else and that is exactly what happened in your case, my ex did the exact same thing with me, however at the time he didn't look for a thinner girl he told me that it wouldn't have mattered what she looked like it was just someone different to me.
I hadn't completely recognised that we were having problems and the biggest problem was a lack of communication and so don't keep on punishing yourself.
I think that whilst you are with this guy you are always going to feel less than perfect as you have got it in your head that this is the only way to repair this damaged relationship. It isn't sweetheart, it wasn't your fault and it is time to get strong again but it would be better to do this on your own with support and love from your family and friends.
If your boyfriend truly has feelings of love for you then he will give you space and if the relationship is meant to be then after a period of time maybe who knows what the future might hold for you both. However, the trust issue will never truly go away, he has cheated once and there is nothing to say that he won't do it again, he got away with it to a degree before and it had an element of excitement for him.
Don't degrade yourself in this way, you deserve a guy who is going to put you first and he will be the one who is out to impress you - not the other way around. You don't have to prove anything, you are you and by the sounds of things you are already perfect weight wise so be proud of yourself and if you want to stay healthy then that is fine but make sure you are getting the right level of calories a day and having the right level of exercise.
You are still young so don't tie yourself to someone who is so fickle that you are always looking over your shoulder. Live your life for you and be proud of who you are.
Keep smiling sweetheart and we are all here for you OK.
BFN
Country Woman
P.S. If you are worried about your weight then go and see your doctor and tell them your fears about the fact you may be slipping into a eating disorder as they may suggest some counselling for you. Take it if it is offered OK. It will make you stronger honest.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 People who cheat often have a problem with themselves and it's rarely that it's because they've gone off their current gf/bf.
I don't think you should be with this guy. You clearly go out of your way to please some who cheated on you - why try your best and go out of your way for someone who betrayed you? Why does he deserve your time and effort? You don't trust him and why should you after what he did?
Does he recognise your attempts to impress him? If he loves you, he should respect you for how you look without your efforts and more importantly who you are on the inside.
Find someone who will respect you and will tell you how beautiful you are even when you don't feel that you look your best. You clearly can't trust this guy because you keep trying to look your best so that he will keep his eyes on you and not other girls.
Every morning look in the mirror and say "I AM worth more than that. This is me, take it or leave it. I don't care what you think of me because I'm ready to take on the world"
It may sound cheesy, but I've been in your position and splitting up with him and moving my life forward in the way I have described was one of the best things I've done.
Be yourself, be original and care about how YOU feel and think, not other people.
I stopped eating when this happened to me too, my councellor suggest I started eating small, healthy foods like blueberries and strawberries when I felt a bit hungry and then when I felt more like eating and more confident about myself, start eating a bit more and gradually build it up. However I would say if you feel that it's getting a lot worse you need to go and speak to your GP or a councellor.
I hope this helps.
Take care xx
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