A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont know what to do anymore. I have been with my girlfriend for a 1 year and 8 months now. When we first started going out she told me about her past some parts of it I wasnt to happy hearing about and from that time on wards it has been affecting me like i get visions in my mind. I think it was more to do with her doing more then me as she is my first gf.We gave our virginity to each other after a year. What my problem is, is that I am not sure whether I want to be with this girl for the rest of my life, I am saying this because I think she is thinking quite long term( i think its a girl thing). I am finding it difficult because a part of me wants to let her go so i can get rid of this horrible feeling in me but i dont think it will I think its done permanent damage to me and my self esteem. Apart of me doesnt want to let her go because I am not sure whether I will find another girl because I have found it extremely difficult to get a girl as I seemed to become a 'friend' 'brother' or 'nice guy'. Because of my stupid mind I feel she can find and deserves someone better then me. I am really scared of my future I dont know what to do. Someone help me. What do I do? how do I get rid of these visions. Part of me wants to stay with her she is a decent girl.
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female
reader, superrrshawna  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 okay you need to answer one very simple question: do you want to be with her? not for her sake, completely for your own. do you as a selfish individual want to keep her to yourself or do you want to let her go and have someone else?don't worry about whether or not you will find someone. those things work out in the end. figure out whether or not you want to be with this specific person because that is your immediate confusion.if she didn't want to be with you, she would have broken up with you. if you don't want to be with her, she deserves the same respect. i say respect because if you don't want to be with her you are probably not offering her all you can of yourself while she is to you. it would be best to be honest so she can redirect those emotions in a more "productive" direction. either loving herself more, giving more time to her family, another guy...good luck, keep in touch.
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