A
male
age
36-40,
*KCerbs
writes:Hi, First time asking here. Having some relationship problems.I've been "dating" my gf for just over 2 months, long time acquaintances. She got out of a bad relationship in December, and we started dating in late January. This were so great at the beginning, we saw each other a lot, but we were cautious to not push sex right away (2.5 months in, still no sex).After the first few weeks, she asked to slow it down because she wants to get it right and develop at a proper pace, so I was ok with that (kind of). Since then we've seen each other less and less, she makes less effort to hang out with me or see me. But note that she did take on a new shift that is opposite mine, so during the week hanging out is difficult (she works till 10pm, and I start work at 9am). 2 weeks ago she said she wanted some time to herself to be with her friends, family, and puppy. She always talked about how she never got her "single" time between relationships and it was tearing her up.So for a week we didn't really talk at all, pretty much "no contact", then we went out for a coffee and she said that she still wanted to be with me, just wanted time to herself for now as well. At this time she gave me the parking FOB to my building back. So same things for another week, no contact as I was just giving her space.Yesterday was her birthday, she didn't invite me out with the family to her birthday dinner, she also instructed me not to buy her anything at all, she came out with me for about 2 hours after the dinner to hang out at my place, watch a movie, then took off.And finally, she has told me for the next while with out arrangement to not plan any dates or dinners, but that we'll just "hang out" once in a while instead. When I asked her what we are now, she said we're still dating, just not seeing each other as much, and that she feels more relaxed that way.What the hell is going on here? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 April 2011):
 It is quite simple - she has rushed into another relationship straight after a break-up and wants to be single for a while, so she is putting you on the back burner for when she gets lonely and bored of single life.
If you really like someone, you want to spend as much time with that person as you can. She is not wanting to spend much time with you, and only wants you as a back-up option - I think it is time for you to move on I'm afraid. Otherwise you will be sitting around waiting for her to be 'ready' and that may never happen, and you will be the one that ends up hurt.
When you mentioned the lack of "single" time between relationships, that is a clear indicator that she is the sort of girl who bounces from one relationship to the next without ever being single - a long-term monogamist. And these girls are not the kind of girls you want to be with if you are the guy who follows on from the last relationship. She is just dragging all her issues from previous relationships around with her into the new ones, never allowing herself time to really heal from each break-up and getting more and more messed up as she goes along.
I know first hand about this - I used to be that girl! And I was a mess! But eventually I had 9 months where I was 100% single and it did me the world of good, and now I am in a very happy long term relationship that is progressing well. But before that, all my relationships and dates were complicated and I was hard work, messing people around and never knowing what I really wanted.
So do this girl a favour - end it now and move on. She needs time to be single, it will benefit her hugely. If she meets another guy in a couple of weeks, well that is the next guy's problem and he will end up with a nightmare on his hands.
I'm afraid this girl is just not in the right place mentally for a relationship and the longer you allow this to continue, the more painful for you it will be. End it now and give her the space to be single like she needs, and find yourself a girl who doesnt jump from one relationship to the next, a girl who is actually ready to date again.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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