A
female
age
30-35,
*glylonelyskum
writes:I am 21 years old. I never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, none of that. It's not like I never wanted it. I've tried looking for a boyfriend since I was 13 to no avail. I heard many people telling me that you find one when you're not looking. I even tried to do this but that didn't work either. Nothing worked! I tried going out more! I tried joining clubs! I tried everything!The guys who seemed interested in me, I wasn't into them. And with the few that I thought I liked, they rejected me. But after the fact, I realized that I didn't like them anyway. And I'm sorry but I will not go with a guy I don't care about. I want a boyfriend to have someone I love, not for the sake of having a boyfriend. If I can't find someone I love or even just like, then I'm happier alone! I'm sorry. I been lonely for a boyfriend since I was 13. For the first three years, I'd get so upset and cry all the time. I'd cut myself, choke myself, beat myself over the head, ETC. In the last three years, these habits have died down and I go through periods of time when being single doesn't bother me as much but I still have my outbursts. In September 2010, my mom died and since then I developed bulimia and just recently been diagnosed with anemia. My dad spends five hours a day on the phone with his girlfriend and I get so jealous. It doesn't phase me the least that he's with a women besides my mom. That's not the problem. The problem is that I'm jealous that he has someone and I'm alone. Before he started dating again, we became buddies and were lonely together. Now, I don't even have him! It's gotten to a point where I'm so lonely that I saved up money and spent $300 on a doll for comfort. I bought this male doll that I found to be attractive looking. It's actually of a deceased actor, who died in his 20's, that I have a crush on. A real life boyfriend does not at all have to look like the actor but if I have to settle for a doll, then why not get one of my crush? I don't carry him around like a child does but I do sometimes carry him deep in my purse where no-one can see him and I sleep with the thing. I know that it's not real and I'm full aware of that. It's like adults who still have a teddy bear. I work and do things like another 21 year old. I just come home and cuddle with a doll. I simply bought it because I'm lonely and I wanted something to show affection to. It's to fill a void. If I wasn't the lonely ugly failure I am I wouldn't have needed a doll. I don't even have a pet anymore. I had two lop eared rabbits that meant everything to be but they died. I can't even buy a pet because in my current home, the landlord won't allow pets. My dad keeps telling me that a relationship is not a death camp and to quit being scared. I tried to have a relationship! I tried but I can't! I lied to him a few times over the years that I had a boyfriend but this person didn't exist. I'm too embarrassed to tell my own father what a loser I am. He knows that I have this doll but he doesn't know that truth to why I bought the thing. Having this doll is weird but I'm not hurting anyone so whoever doesn't like it can get lost! I'm ugly and deformed looking and can't get a real guy. I can't afford cosmetic surgery so this is all I have.
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crush, jealous, money, never had a boyfriend, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (16 October 2012):
Young women who engage in self-harming behaviors (bulimia is as much self-harm as cutting) usually have deep-seated issues that need to be addressed by a counselor. Having a relationship will not fix you or make you feel happy.
You need professional help from a counselor that you feel you can trust.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Wow. Sounds like you have a lot of underlying problems within yourself. And guys tend to sense that like dogs. I would first work on you first because seeing you in a relationship with how you are now. It's not gonna work. I'm deeply sorry about your condition and I don't think anybody deserves to be alone. But you're only 21, you're still young and you got plenty of time to find love. Im 20 and I've never had a boyfriend I've met guys but it never worked. But now that I'm taking care of myself and being more sociable and focusing on me. I've found that guys tend to shift towards my way now. When people say love comes when your not looking it's true mainly because your whole focus isn't on it and your constantly anticipating it. It catches you off guard. The first time a guy asked me for my number which was literally 6 months ago I was shocked! Now that I have that extra push of confidence I'm starting to date now. You could always meet someone online through dating websites. But I strongly suggest you get yourself help so you can learn to love yourself more and to help with your other conditions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): I understand you. I am 21 years old and I have never ever dated. Lol I never even got any proposal. I sometimes feel a bit sad about this but then it never bothered me so much. You are still young and I am sure you will meet someone one day. I suggest you just enjoy your life; meet your friends and enjoy your hobbies. Believe me a bf is not everything. There are so many like us. Do not be discouraged like this. Cheer up and just enjoy your life. You don't need someone for that. Take care :)
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