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female
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anonymous
writes: i have been with a guy, sam ,for 4 years, the first year we used to have sex say once a week/fortnight. it gradually got less and less and started having petty arguements all the time. after the second year we didnt have sex for almost a year. we split not long after and i got with someone else,then i was having sex everyday and realised what i was missing.that relationship soon ended. i got back with sam not long after as we both still loved each other so tried to make a go of things.its been six months and we have had sex once!do we have the right love that a bf and gf are supposed to have? it just feels like we are best mates? i have been with him so long i have got used to this being normal. is it?? the past two months i have felt really horny,and after a drunken night out i stayed at one of our friends houses in his bed,nothing happened,but part of me wanted to and i dont even fancy the friend. i know this is wrong. what shall i do??
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (13 June 2006):
 Sex is a high priority for you so I don't think you're compatible. I don't see how it can work if your sex drives are SO different. I personally think that sex is very important and hardly any sex in a year and once in 6 months would worry me. You may love him and care for him, but this relationship sounds doomed, especially if you questioned your feelings for someone else that were sexually fuelled. I'd talk to your boyfriend in depth and really see if you can work it out. If not, I'd suggest that your love isn't physical enough for you. Ask yourself this, if it's been like this for 4 yrears and you're frustrated, how will you get through the next 4 and the next etc...? Many people will say that love is the most important thing and not to worry about the lack of sex...I'd say that's rubbish. It's a natural human need and for some people it's just as important as other fundamental relationship elements.
A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (13 June 2006):
 dear reader. the only thing that springs to mind her is that your not in fact "in love" with him but you do love him as a friend i would even go as far as to say you have found your soul mate.
now soul mates don't always mean you have to be a couple you can find them in all sorts of places.
but on the other hand a relationship with not much sex isn't as uncommon as you might think i know its frustrating but it does happen.
it is souly up to yopu what you do whether it be stay with him and get even more frustrated or stay really close as friends and have a sexual relstionship with someone else.
i hope you find the right choice for both of you
all the best, keep me posted xxx
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (13 June 2006):
 Hi,
first things you got to remember is that a relationship isn't just about sex. You obviously love Sam if you left another boyfriend for him, and didn't cheat on him with your friend. Your partner should be your boyfriend, your partner and your best friend when you need him to be. I'd just take it slow, there is no rush to get anywhere in any relationship. Take it slow, calm down and maybe have fun once in a while.
Hope this helped!
Phoebe
xxx
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