A
female
age
51-59,
*anta
writes:I am a single mother and have an 11 year old daughter who has been used to seeing me being abused by her father, my mother, my sister and my father. This abuse from her father escalated when I tried to have a relationship with a man that I was casually seeing for 3 years. When I started to ask the man I was seeing over to my house my ex didn't like it and started rubbishing him even more to to my daughter as did my mother. Although I am no longer with this guy and he had his faults prior to myself inviting him to my house my daughter for some time was very happy to go to his house and stay the night with myself and his daughter who were best friends in the same grade at school. To be honest my ex took out a restraining order so my current boyfriend couldn't come to my house anymore as he told my daughter of once for abusing me. Although I have been single for 2 years now and not had one man in my house for fear of the same thing happening my daughter continually disrespects me. She does not disrespect her father, my sister or my mother. For example it is my 40th birthday tomorrow and tonight she called me a mole and a hole etc. I was prepared to not go out for my 40th with my female friend as my daughter has modelling and acting on Saturday for three hours in the city. After tonight's episode I just feel like enough is enough and I told her that I would not be taking her to modelling and acting on Saturday. I was going to go to the movies with her tomorrow after school for my birthday however I am so sick of being abused be my daughter and judged by my mother, sister and ex- my daughter's father etc. My sister told me I was F------ in the head yesterday and my mother said well are you? Anyway, I thought tonight enough is enough and I am not going to keep rewarding abusive behaviour and put myself first for a change for my birthday tomorrow. I rang my mum tonight and told her what happened and said that I would go out with my girlfriend who has a present for me and who wants to see me for my birthday tomorrow night and asked my mum if she could look after my daughter for the night. I also told my mum that I wasn't going to take my daughter to modelling and acting on Saturday as a punishment as I am fed up with being disrespected and that I believed that she needs to learn that she can't get away with treating me like this. I feel that the situation is hopeless as the damage has been done through all the denegration of me in front of her and myself being outnumbered by my mother's, ex's, sister's and father's abuse.My mum rubbished me tonight and thinks I am being to harsh on my daughter and wrong. As far as I am concerned she always has and always will think whatever I do or whoever I see is wrong and the same for my ex.Am I making the correct decision in regards to my daughter and how am I supposed to ever have a friend wheher it be male or female that my family don't approve of and thus my daughter agrees with them.Please help
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male
reader, lonestarchalk1  +, writes (30 July 2009):
 You know what, everything is fine in this situation as long as you continue being the sacrificial lamb, doing whatever everyone else desires or wishes for you. My heart is so sad for you, because the one thing being wasted and pissed on the most is your life, how fulfilling can all this shit be for you? Your life isn't worth living, change it to a life you desire worth living, your the only one who can do this, and ignore the opinions of everyone who is non-supportive around you, get those negative nonsupporting people out of your conscious life, and pursue freedom and happiness and have joy in your life. God bless
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 July 2009):
 Stop asking your family for help an go with your gut instinct.
You are the one raising your daughter so YOUR rules count.
Sit your daughter down, tell her about abuse and what it is. Verbal, physical, mental.. all of them. Explain that the two of you need to set some rules about what is appropriate to say and what is not. Talk to her about punishment.
Set up rules and FOLLOW though with them. If she is doing/ saying things you do not approve of ( and that SHE knows is wrong) then she need to take whatever "punishment" you determine is right.
If you don't nip it in the butt now, it will escalate.
Good for you to finally stand up for yourself!
And, yes I believe you can date ( you are after all only divorced not dead) If YOU like the guy and he treats you right then SCREW what your family thinks. Don't let them control you.
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