| A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Afew weeks ago, a man approached me and we talked a bit, just a small talk. However, recently, i just don't understand what he wants. So basically, i started seeing him around me more often, just glancing at me from a distance. He approached me again and told me that he likes me and is attracted to me, also he wanted to take things seriously. I was put off by this, but he was just talking too much trying to cover up his awkwardness and told me that 'im sorry if im talking too much, but im just too intimidated by you" its true, since i refused to give him my number or tell anything about myself and i was clear and said that i don't want any relationship right now. He came up to me today and said that he wants me to give him another shot and that he will stay persistent, or at least to be 'friends', i told him that he's just moving too fast and wouldn't be comfortable being his friend when i already know that he has feelings for me. I'm not sure what he meant by staying persistent. I was so clear with him that I'm not interested. He seems inexperienced because he keeps saying that I'm making him nervous.I'm not feeling comfortable About his intentions. Or am i being too harsh? Or did i do the right thing? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Pepi let pew  +, writes (27 March 2019):
 What an idiot. What would you like this guy that says I feel nervous, Intimidated and awkward around you. Sounds like he's looking for a mother. Or an Alpha male that says would you like to go for a coffee or a drink with confidence and strength. I don't blame you for not being interested. See ya later boy...
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (26 March 2019):
 Did you do the right thing in turning him down? YES, of course. You are not interested in him. Why would you worry about being "harsh"?
Did you make it plain you were not interested? Possibly not, given that you told him you did not want a relationship "right now". That may have been your way of softening the blow of rejection but he is obviously hoping, if he hangs about, you will eventually change your mind. "Not right now" implies "possibly in the future".
He has no right to keep invading your space and making you feel uncomfortable. In your shoes, next time he makes advances, I would say to him, quietly but in a tone which broaches no argument, "Look, you are probably a nice guy but you are making me feel uncomfortable with your attention. I am not interested in having any sort of relationship with you, friend or otherwise. You need to accept that and back off."
If you don't make it plain to him, I suspect, at some point in the future, he will say you led him on or gave him false hope. While I can understand you not wanting to be harsh with him, your safety and wellbeing need to be your top priority. Stay safe.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (26 March 2019):
 "I was so clear with him that I'm not interested."- your not interested point said and made. Move on without guilt
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 March 2019):
 Ive seen this move before. He say he is serious, but its not true. If he was actually serious he wouldnt come on so strongly and talk so much, or move so fast. He wants sex, and he thinks that a strong offensive is what will get him there.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2019): He seems creepy. There's only one way to deal with someone who persists on making advances. Tell him bluntly you do not wish to be friends; and you feel very uncomfortable when he said he will be persistent.
Let me spell it out for you. HE'S INSISTING YOU GO OUT WITH HIM; AND HE DOESN'T JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS. HE WANTS TO DATE YOU OR WORSE!
You don't force people to be friends who don't seem interested. He was telling you in a subtle way he's not taking no for an answer; and using an offer of friendship as nothing but an excuse to continue invading your space.
Tell him you'd rather just be cordial, but you don't wish to be friends. Say it outright, so if you are forced to report him for stalking or creeping-up on you; you can confirm that you made it abundantly clear you're not interested. I don't know what country you're from; but nowadays you can't be vague when dealing with weirdos. Tell somebody about him!
He will feed on your fear, if you don't show him you're serious. He's taking advantage of the fact you won't flat-out reject his advances.
Tell him you don't want him to approach you anymore. Don't beat around the bush by telling him he's moving too fast. That does not convey your true feelings. Tell the truth and be straight to the point. When he approaches, quickly walkaway or run! If he chases, call-out for help!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 March 2019):
 No I think your GUT is telling you THIS is not a guy for you.
And OP, you DO NOT owe this guy to be friends and quite frankly he can take his PERSISTENCE and stick up his ...!
NO means no, and he isn't RESPECTING you saying no, which REALLY is a red flag. The fact that he really doesn't know you but claim to "like you so much he wants to be "serious" with you..." it's WAY too much WAY too soon. YOUR gut read that right!
If I were you, I'd tell him that:" you don't want to waste HIS or YOUR time on pursuing ANYTHING and that your NO is not going to change and that you EXPECT him to RESPECT your no and LEAVE you alone."
Now of course you can put it in gentler terms if you wish, but he really needs to leave you alone.
He ISN'T looking to be your friend. He just hopes he can nudge you to seeing things like he does. That by "pretending" to be friends you will eventually just say yes.
It's REALLY disrespectful. Especially, if you have explained that you are NOT interested. I think you need to be LESS vague (and yes it might hurt his feelings to be rejected, but the LONGER you "allow" him to be "persistent" the longer YOU will be uncomfortable and if you don't SEE yourself hanging your mind over this guy, he needs to back off.
...............................
|
