A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a question about feeling invisible and the “likeable tag” and “praise”When everyone around you is known for something good and liked for it and you’re not do you keep trying?Like at work:where you’re good at your job, try to be approachable and a team member, like the job, do your work, been there a while, try to be polite and nice, are a good and reliable worker, ( not the most talented worker or a superstar but am ok!) I have no issues with 90% people (as we cannot be liked by all!) but they are known for things: Example: “sarahs funny Lea is kind and hardworking Jenny is quirky and well liked K , the boss is suportive and well liked F is so fun to work withN is young but great in charge B is stunningly pretty and so fun Nat is so witty!Ben is sarcastic but well liked C is the best at doing a particular skill G has a good laugh E is so down to earthTom is so smart and the clients love himS is sweet I love working with K” Etc etc All i hear is how great people are professionally and as people. I agree they all are great! And am not saying they’re not deserving!But..How do I ever “compete” with that? Really like my job but never hear anything nice said about me. Noone says Im funny or nice or “great to see you!”So do I just work hard and be polite and ignore the “praisingAre some of us meant to blend into the backround and never hear a positive comment?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2019): Try & enjoy your work although it sounds hard, as if your looking for a new challenge that it’s not offering you. Last year I worked with the strangest bunch of people, the hours of the job suited me at the time, who all biitched about each other, were two faced to the owner and all told me each shift how they were leaving. It was very negative but I stuck it out as long as it suited me then left quietly. A year on they are all still there no doubt still saying the same stuff and perhaos even more unhappy !
Work atmospheres are hard when we wish they could be different or better, but some of us just like to do the job we are paid to do and take our pay cheque & I suspect employers sigh with relief !
Enjoy your time out of work and make less effort with your workmates as sounds like they isolate you a little and therefore not really worth the bother of a closer relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2019): [EDIT]:
"I don't want my bosses to define me as anything but a high achiever!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2019): Well it seems you have a list of quirky characters. Is anyone known for being professional, mature, and suitable for promotion? That list you gave has little to do with professional traits. That's not how supervisors or management assesses their workers. It seems like office gossip.
It might seem you have a popularity contest going on; but you're just an everyday nice person who hasn't been labeled, tagged, or categorized. Personally, I'd rather be respected! Being polite and a team-player is enough. The motley crew don't sign your paychecks! If the boss is nice; then it follows the boss is nice to you. Yes or no?
Be like Lea! She or he knows why they're there! I'd hire that worker in a skinny-minute! The others? Meh! I don't what my bosses to define me as anything but a high achiever!
You're in the middle of a cliquish clan of co-workers and they like making you feel like an outsider. Especially if you're older than they are. You're confusing opinions and characterizations with job-assessment.
If they're much younger than you are, you have to adapt to the fact that's how young people behave in the workplace. It's also common nowadays for people to be tribal; and to make some people feel left-out.
You're an adult, and old enough to have outgrown that foolishness back in high school. Maybe you're having a little high school deja vu, and it's getting under your skin. You lived through it back then; and I guess you'll have to do the same in the present. People are like that, unfortunately! It's your job, and if you don't feel included; you should seek another job. Nobody can force them to like you, or make you feel good.
I wouldn't define what you described as "praising."
It depends on who the praise is coming from. If the bosses never praise you, then work harder. How do your performance reviews look? That's your report card! If they don't give you high praise, that's based on your performance. How cute you are is irrelevant!
Try and gain attention by being the best at what you do. That's how you get the recognition you deserve from the people who hired and pay you. On the job, that's what matters. Focus on what's truly important. What you were hired to do, not to sort-out personalities and try to fit-in with people who don't have the courtesy to treat each other respectfully. If you do a mediocre job; then there's very little praise to offer you. Either that, or your management sucks; and need to go back to management school!
If you're going to stand-out at work, stand-out for something worthwhile. If you're shy or fly below the radar; you shouldn't let them bother you. It just seems everybody talks about everybody and attaches some kind of goofy label or stereotype. It's sort of adolescent, not particularly grown-up. Trust me, you don't want to be typecast among the office players. It's beneath your dignity. You may not like how they perceive you anyway.
It's better to have no label than something unflattering.
They probably have a nickname for you, they just haven't said it to your face. So blend into the background; and don't be a part of their nonsense. Let Lea be your inspiration.
Yes, some people blend into the background and get their work done. They have their fun and socializing after work.
My dear, you're looking for validation from a group of people who seem to talk about each other; and judge each other one-way or another. Don't compete with foolishness.
Do your job, and make some friends outside your workplace who make you feel appreciated and noticed. People at work are a menagerie of personalities that were chosen by the people who hired them to work. Not to be captioned or identified by childish-scribble under your picture in a high school yearbook! You only described one employee as a supervisor would appraise an employee. The rest was how they would perceive each other at an office party.
You're fine. You're a normal everyday person. You're in a kettle of kooks, and they're cliquish; and don't make you feel part of the team.
How long have your worked there? Perhaps it's time to look for a new job; where people behave like adults, and everyone shows their professionalism. Where they aren't so busy trying to turn the workplace into a juvenile high school study hall.
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