A
female
age
36-40,
*uvsdragonflies
writes:HELP Feeling Un-wanted and rejected MY hubby and I have been married for 4 years. Let me give you a little history lesson first. We have had a few rough patches in our marriage. About two years ago I was going to school to became a medical assistant and there were quite a few of bad influences there well they talked me into going to see the rodeo. Well it turns out it so these *married ladies* could get hooked and with guys. I wasn't into that and was like I want to go home so, one of the guys offered me. I really didn't feel comfortable going with him as he was in the army and I have some bad memories of military men. My husband had been in the army and we lived in the barracks and I couldn't go outside with out getting hit on or called and rude name. Anyways, this guy asked if we could stop at his house to get laundry and I was like ok so, we went into his car and her raped me. I was in so much shock and anger at myself for being so stupid. That I didn't tell anyone for 4 month when I finally told my husband and I"m not totally convinced he believes me. That was about two years ago well things had gotten better until I found that a year ago he was emailing and old friend from internet who is a girl, I came across their conversation which wasn't any bad at all just normal talking. Any it really bothered me and he explained it was because of the time we were going throw and at the time he didn't care.but, now things are better. Well everything was ok for the first few days then he wouldn't come and watch tv with me and anything he was doing his normal playing on the computer. So, I got my self drunk and then it like the next day he was different he is now ignoring me I will say something to him he will ignore it unless he wants to answer it. He has talked to me in a while and he has kissed, held me at night he keeps putting the dog between us but, dogs moves 5 minutes later. When we eat together we sit in silence I try to talk but, he doesn't responded and then as soon as he is done he goes straight up to get on his computer then I might ask if he wants to watch a movie with me after he is done he says maybe and goes on to playing his game. We have had sex since I found the emails. I have tried and he will let me give him head but, that is it. I am feeling used and unwanted. I can't talk to him he gets upsets and says nothing is wrong and it bother me. This has been happing for the last 3weeks and I am starting to get depressed, and am cry quite often. He doesn't even ask me what is wrong. I love my husband so much but, I feel I am lacking in something. He never wants to kiss or touch me hold my hand for over the last year. I am needing some companionship and I am not getting it. I am getting so frustrated and depressed.. Any and all advice with be greatly needed...
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 April 2008):
 I see a complete lack of communication here. You two don't discuss your problems; you avoid them. I understand that ostriches don't bury their head in sand, but that is a good image of what is going on between you two.
If you don't find a way to really communicate with each other, I don't think your marriage will improve. You're already going downhill. For two years now, you have not got what you want, and neither has he. And no one seems to have the will to really save the marriage.
You suggest that the rape was his reason to be this cold. Maybe. However, I suspect that there's more. His insatisfaction can't simply come from the fact that you were raped. I think both of you should sit down and think things through but, since I can't talk to him, I would suggest you do it first, and then try to really discuss issues with him.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, IamLily  +, writes (19 April 2008):
 I believe you two are going through a very rough time. He is probably having some negative thoughts about you and your rape incident.Anyways, try to be more compassionate with him. Even if he ignores you, do not be bothered.He seems to be a computer freak. So try writing him some emails. He would be surprised to open his mail box. Try to break monotony during sex. Try to do his favorite activity in bed. He will be back to you.And I recommend you send this link to him.http://www.howtowin.in/free-books/how-to-win-heart-of-your-wife/chapter-06-resolve-conflict-with-your-wife.htmlHave a nice time.
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A
male
reader, Deano1050  +, writes (19 April 2008):
Hi, i know how you feel about the relationship ! The other sounds pretty serious and you should report what happened to you other wise it will happen to other girls, i cant think how hard and uneasy it would be but you really should. On the relationship part im probably not the best person but who is ?! How about you try and sit your husband down tell him what your about to say is serious and let him know how you feel, maybe he is feeling the same way and Dosnt know how to talk to you. If your feelin depressed than thats not good your young and should be enjoying life. Have you Thought about takin a holiday, just the two of you? Get some time to know each other again and have a laugh, i hope you get back on track as you obviously love him . Take care
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