A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. A few months back he told me he smoked one cigarette. At the time he came clean about it and swore he would never do it again. He said it was a one time thing just to see what it was like. He said he would never do that to me because he knows how I feel about smoking. I have a lung disease so it's pretty fucked up that he would do this- I would kill to have healthy lungs and he goes and starts f**king up his. We were having a fight and he has just informed me he has been smoking the entire time we were dating. He doesn't live here right now is how I didn't know. And I know he is my ex but we do that break up start dating again crap and we were starting to talk again when he dropped this on me. He also lied about getting a nose ring back when. He asked me my opinion on what I think about nasal septum piercings and actually asked me "can I get one?", so I said no that I didn't think it would look good. He went and got one anyway then lied about it. But if he wanted one and was going to get one anyway then why ask my opinion in the first place?? And he even said he wouldn't get it because he knew I wouldn't like it. AND after he had gotten it I did get used to it and said it was fine and I forgave him. Then a few weeks after that he told me he took it out cause he knew how much it bothered me that he lied. 2 weeks later... it was still in and he was stupid enough to let me see it, then tried to hide it, and lied again. So, is he just a lying dick? Or does he have some serious problem? He swears he loves me and cares about me but I don't believe it. How can you lie like that to someone you care about? I doubt I would ever be able to date him again because I wouldn't believe anything he said. I'd just like someone else's view on this.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 April 2008):
 What I am trying to imply here is that , nobody is perfect.
He may have some good qualities inherent in him but because
he lied to you about his smoking, you use that as a yardstick .
If you felt that way , it is your right.
You are expecting too much from him which he is unwilling to give you for now.
In your words,"What I think is that he does what he wants
and does not care about anyone else's feelings but his own."
I agree with you on that.
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (20 April 2008):
If you cannot accept him according to your standards,
then it is your right to dump him.
All men have vices...
It is only my personal opinions and it is not binding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut to lie straight to my face for 4 months? This makes him a good guy? Is it that I have high standards because I do not want to be lied to?? He started smoking after he was seeing me, by choice. He wasn't addicted. We were dating when he smoked one. He didn't smoke anything else then said he started doing it all the time a month later. So that's addiction? Going one month without one? What I think is that he does what he wants and does not care about anyone else's feelings but his own. I would never do that to him so how does this make him a good person? And it isn't just a white lie, it hurt me deeply. Thank you for your opinion though.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (19 April 2008):
He has his vices and he love you.
Because he knows that you don't like it and he cannot give it up completely ,so he lied to you.
Smoking could be an addiction and it is not easy to give up.
If you are looking for perfection , then I am afraid he is not the guy for you.
If his lying and those issues affects you , then I think ,
you should give him up as he will not pass your high judgment standards.
If you can overlook those two issues and see the real person in him , then you may have a future with him.
Otherwise, because of the issue of his lying and trustworthiness, you may give up a good man.
Who does not sin or tell lies?
People tell white lies now and then or half truth all the time.
If you judge him with such a high standards,
you will also be judge according to your high standards.
It is easier to see the saw dust in another's eye then to
see the planks in your own eyes.
(Meaning, we can see other's mistakes more clearly than our own mistakes.)
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