A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone! First off, I feel so confused and screwed up and I know that there's going to be people on here that will think badly of me, but I am only human. I am married to a guy that I haven't ever loved. We were together for 2 1/2yrs. We have been married for 6mos. I got pregnant after 2 mos of dating. Our families forced us to marry (due to religious beliefs). Neither of us wanted this. Well we ended up with another child. We are staying together for the kids and to keep peace but here is the problem. I am in love with his uncle. He has always been my shoulder to cry on when I needed anything. I started crushing on him but he always said he would never have sex with a married woman. I thought he didn't have any feelings for me and I would have to just deal with this attraction on my own. Well little do I know, he does care about me and he wants me to be in his life but he doesn't want to break up my marriage. TOO LATE! I never want to have sex with my husband or kiss him, be around him or anything. I don't love him at all and I don't think I ever did. I will always care about him though. I am in love with his uncle. He's about 12yrs older than me. We eventually did have sex once, but it's all I think about! He gives me butterflies every time he touches me! He has always been there emotionally for me and has been my rock! My husband and I fight all the time in front of our children! The marriage has gotten so bad I don't even wanna be around him, just the man i'm in love with. What do I do? I am so depressed I can't even think, eat or sleep! I just want to be happy and the environment the kids are in is not good for them either. I have one life to live and I want to be with the other man! There will be so many family problems if I leave my husband for his uncle! Everyone prolly thinks I am a whore or whatever but my marriage has crumbled and it can't be fixed so please so answers saying I should work on my marriage! I tried that. Thanks for everyones help!
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crush, depressed, married woman, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Firefighter's Wife 09 +, writes (5 February 2009):
That's amazing! Good luck! And have fun with your new life!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): I'm happy for you! I wish you luck with the divorce and your future with the man you love!
I wish there were more happy endings!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello all! Thank everyone so much for your answers and advice and opinions. My husband and I are getting a divorce. He confessed that he doesn't love me anymore either. We both feel as if theres a huge weight off of our shoulders. I am going to be with his uncle, we love each other and my husband understands that our marriage wasn't going to go anywhere. He wants me to be happy and I want him to be happy as well. Everyone is being civil about this, not courts are going to be involved. Now I can finally have what I want and be happy and no more fighting in front of my children! THANKS ALL!
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A
female
reader, Firefighter's Wife 09 +, writes (2 February 2009):
You are very very welcome I'm glad I could help!
If you ever need anything, I'm here to talk!
Just remember you and those girls come first! Do what you need to do! Don't worry about hurting feelings! I would have done a lot better when I wasn't happy if I would have taken my own advice! Good luck love!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Well the family is part to blame for your circumstances. Even though you had sex with a man and got pregnant (not smart), it was WRONG to marry him for that reason. It was Unfair to him(because he is deserving of a woman that LOVES him)and Unfair to you for the same reason.
The 1st mistake was having sex before marriage, but the 2nd mistake was to marry someone you felt in your heart should Not be your husband.
Your family should've accepted that you would live a single mom and the shame of it. They were thinking of themselves and not your life. You are an adult and need to tell them you were pressured into marrying someone you didn't love. I would have this honest talk, BEFORE you take any steps with the uncle. Your 3rd mistake was sleeping with another man being married! You should never take it to that level again until you are divorced.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirefighters Wife-THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ANSWER! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR! I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY AND I WANT WHATS BEST FOR MY GIRLS THATS ALL! I LOVE THE OTHER MAN MUCH MORE THAN I EVER LOVED MY HUSBAND! THANKS
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A
female
reader, Firefighter's Wife 09 +, writes (2 February 2009):
Rememeber, you can't control who you fall in love with but you can control your actions! I know a person who dated a girl, married her sister then got divorced from her and started dating their cousin! It caused a lot of problems but! He is happy! He didn't worry about what other people thought! He did what was best for him and his children! They are the most important thing in your life, no matter what men come and go they will always love you no matter what! Staying in a marriage without love is not worth it for you,your husband, or the children!Of course he will be crushed but was it really fair to either of you that your parents made you get married? You will both move on in time! Listen to your heart! It can be smarter than the brain at times! We all make mistakes! But we always recover from them! Good luck and do what YOU need to do!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): You've been married for six months, and you've tried everything already.. That's not very long at all. Your a vulnerable woman, and this uncle was wrong to take advantage of you. You had a crush, because you he was kind to you, you then fell in love.... all very quick don't you think, your marriage didn't stand a chance. How could you have tried everything, when you are had sex and dream about another man. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but what I don't think this is end up "happily ever after". Your leaving your husband, not for another man, but a member of his family. Be prepared for many people you know to hate you and this older uncle. Your daughters will also find out the circumstances some day. Please think carefully, are you sure you love this man, or are you reacting to his kindness and trying to get away. What happens if in 6months time you fall out of love with the uncle too?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Another answer coming up... I don't think that Britt meant to encourage you with your attraction to your husbands uncle. At the moment your in an unhappy marriage, you want to get away, this older guys seems the answer to your dreams...But look carefully and think with your head and not just your heart. You don't love your husband, you don't want to stay married to him, well that's fine. Do what Britt said and talk to your husband about getting a divorce.The uncle is a whole different kettle of fish. Firstly he's a liar. He said that he would never have sex with a married woman, but he has sex with you. Therefore he tells lies. What dose he tell his nephew, what dose he tell the res of the family about what he has been doing? Is he also married? If he loves you so much, and you love him, how come he didn't offer to marry you, how come he didn't stop the wedding. He waits until you are forced on his nephew, says nothing at all, and it's only when the marriage is breaking down that he starts to find you attractive. If he loves you so much, and he knows you hate your husband, why hasn't he gone to your husband like a man and explain what has happened.Why didn't he help you to free yourself from this marriage before he started sleeping with you? I am frightened that this is an old man, who is just looking for easy sex. He knows you will never tell anyone that you are sleeping with him, he knows you will keep it a secret, because it will hurt all the family, your husbands and yours. I bet that as soon as you start divorce proceedings the sex will stop, or he will find 1001 reasons why he can't marry you.Get a divorce, but be very careful about putting your hopes all into this man. He is sleeping with his nephew's wife, he won't marry you, and he'll be horrified if anyone found out. Think with your head, you have a young child to consider. There are plenty of other men to love, but your child is depending on you to create a stable and loving home, even if you have to do that on your own.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): Please don't make your decision on one persons opinion! I would hate to think I steered you wrong. Wait for more answers before you take action! All I can do is give my honest opinion. I don't believe in staying in a loveless relationship. But that's me! Please think it over carefully before acting on my advice.
My advice is based on what I would do. Someone else might tell you just the opposite.
I guess the truth is I confirmed what you already knew you wanted to do, right? Well good luck, I never said it would be easy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! Thank you so much for your answer! I was afraid alot of people were going to tell me that I married the guy now I should just forget about uncle cutie. Which is impossible too do! I dont wanna hurt my husband at all! I know this is hurting our girls very much even though they are young! Thanks for ur answer, I will take your advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): That's what happens when families force you into marriage. It's more their fault than yours, as I see it!
Your problems are two-fold: first, you are in a loveless marriage. Deal with that first. Be honest with your husband. Tell him the truth and that you want out.
Once that problem is resolved, you can deal with your feelings for the uncle.
I wouldn't reveal your feelings for him to your husband that could cause a family war! And it may eventually anyway. But deal with the matters separately, starting with getting out of the marriage. If your fighting in front of the children, then staying together for the children doesn't make sense. That can hurt them more than splitting up!
I wish you luck, and advise you to have some compassion towards your husband too...he was forced into this situation the same as you. Give him credit for trying to make it work.
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