A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have feelings also like you and the other women on here. My husband and I are fine together most of the time, but just recently we were apart for about a year and with his new job he started to get fat. I am not a bad person or a person who only likes someone for thier looks, but when we started dating and durign the first part of our marriage he was nicely built. I look nice and try my best to keep myself up and nice and sexy for him, because we met that way and plus I like making sure i stay healthy and not get overweight. I started to not want him in a sexual way anymore b/c the sex was starting to not be enjoyable by me anymore b/c of the weight around his stomach (his gut) it just felt so nasty to me and I couldnt enjoy myself and he just fely like a big fat pig on top of me, I even tried me on top, and I just couldnt look at him anymore and get turned on. We haev been married for only 2 years so I really dont want a divorce, but this other guy is so much to me, i think I really do have love in my heart for him. Well during this time and a little before I met this guy, aroudn the same age as my husband the same race and bout the same height too. But during this he never pressured me to have sex with him at all, he was always and still nice, loving, very complimentive of me in every way, he holds me close makes me feel safe, he does ALL the sexual things I love and knows exactly how to do them unlike my husband(but he is getting better and tryign new things). This other guy just makes me feel oh so good all the time i am with him. We are seperated by time zones right now but I will be going over to where he is pretty soon for a new job anyway, and we haev been talking for basically my whole marriage almost. The other guy is married, wiht two kids and I am not sure how long he has been married, but he is now saying that when I come over to where he is fo rmy new job he wants us to spend some time together so we can make sure we still feel the same way afer spending alot of time physcially with one another besides just writing over the internet to eachother. Not physically as in sex but with everything, just like dating all over again kinda. He says he is ready right now to leave his wife and as for his kids he will do just what everybody else does, have visitation rights and all that stuff. I am just torn b/c I do love my husband very much so, its just that this other guy is everything that I seem to want in a husband and in a man in general. I feel like I am just goign to wait till we meet and see if we could work out and then go from there. B/c i dont wanna get a divorce its just really frowned upon with my family and with me too. My husband doesnt beat me belittle me or any of that its just tah he is not satisfying all my needs or just the really important ones. I feel like I may just carry on this affair and keep both men in my life and hopefully that will work, and the other guy wont have to giev up his kids and I wont have to have a divorce and all. Please give me some advice ladies and gentlemen.
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affair, divorce, overweight, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE:
The affair is now over for good. I just could not take it any longer and I know he was not being totally honest wiht me on everything and plus I know deep down that it would'nt haev worked out between us because he is way more free and open with his parts than i realized. So I kno waht i have now and glad that i can keep it that way! Later folks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE: Just to answer some of the answers that were given by some of the readers. I was ALREADY married before I met the other guy, so the deal with me thinking about this guy before my marriage and me knowing I should have not went through with it, does not apply here.
My Husband KNOWS all about how I feel towards the issue with his weight. We have talked about it and he just wont do anything towards improving his weight loss. It would be another thing all together if HE DIDNT LIKE THE WEIGHT ON HIM ALSO. He has told me that he doesnt like the way that he looks now, and I have tried to go exercising with him, change up our diet with the types of food we eat and all, a good friend of ours has also tried to workout with him among other things and he wont do either or by himself, has just simply given up and that is just UNACCEPTABLE, which I have told him. I feel like if you go into a marriage looking and acting one way (which is part of the reason your spouse fell for you in the first place)then you should try your best to keep that up, and not just let yourself go and change your attitude all together, because all that is goinjg to do is turn your spouse off to you emotionally and physically, UNLESS they actually think you changed for the better. I like the way I looked and acted when I met my husband and he like me the way I was also and I have tried and still am to keeping my appearance up because I like that way I look and dont plan on getting all lazy like SOME people do. Plus I know that my husband is not like those people who just give up, so I guess that is mainly my main reason for being so upset and just tired with how he is acting. I have tried to re-kindle what we once had sexually and emotionally and only received a small part back, and I am not going to just keep giving and giving until I cant give anymore that is just not going to work out that way. I believe that when I started to love this other guy I saw that he was willing to go far and beyond for me and not just give up and willing to meet me half way, plus he is older than my husband so that might be another reason why he is so understanding and knows how to treat me better. Plus I AM NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON TO JUST GO JUMPING FROM ONE MAN TO ANOTHER!!!! So with the weight thing, I am not just thinking about leaving my husband JUST because of his weight, so if the other guy gained weight his attitude about it would not be the same, because his attitude is apart of the reason WHY I am falling in love with him!!
Well me and the other guy talked about the situation, and I dont want to be responsible for taking part of their father away from him, and our family's would be so upset with us if we did. We decided to just take ourselves from the situation at hand and take a breather. Once we meet up and find ourselves closer together and we hit it off like we first did and nothing major has actually changed the way we feel towards one another, then we will see how things go and if they go well we will be together, and that is ONLY if we agree that we dont think after spending time together we would be happy as a couple moved in together or not, or even married sometime down the road.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): The grass is greener on the other side as in this situation, but that isnt always so. I understand you love someone else, maybe you should have thought about this before going ahead with your marriage?
It isnt just yourself you have to think about in this situation, my heart goes out to the children, they dont deserve to be dragged into this and have their lives pulled apart on something that may after all not be all that you expect it to be and what if this man puts on weight too will you move on to the next one and are you sure this is love and not just looking for perhaps a little excitement, dont confuse the feelings.
I suggest you keep away from this man for a while and see how you feel then, you tell your husband about the weight as how can he change something he doesnt know about and see if you maybe can rekindle what you once had. I think give yourself time out of the situation and time to think this through and mostly for the sake of these children, I know their not your children, but they dont ask to be brought into this world and they dont deserve to have their daddy taken away from them either. Please think carefully before you do anything else.
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A
female
reader, confused6867  +, writes (11 August 2008):
Oh my. I know exactly what you are goin through. I too find myself loving two men. My husband is good to me and i do love him and im scared to get a divorce. But there is another man also. This other man also lives quite a ways away from me but i do plan on meeting him. He makes me feel so happy when im sad and i could just see me making a life with him. I dont want to hurt my husband but im sure in the end someone will get hurt. I know this doesnt help you out with ur problem, just wanted to let u know that you are not alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers so far, they are actually helping some. To answer some of the questions within the answers that some of you gave is: I have talked to my husband plenty of times about his weight gaining, and I gave it some time when it started to be a bit much. I talked to him about ways we can help him loose it by saying I needed to loose weight even though I did not need to, I said we could go work out together, go swimming, Join an aerobics class of some kind, and nothing worked. All the long while I started to fall deeply for the other guy. I am not sure of what the other guy is going through with his wife that is not all of my business. When we do move closer together I will not be seeing his wife and he my husband so there wont be any meet and greet there to say ANYTHING to anyone. He respects my boundaries and I him, and I am not here to look for the OK from anyone just looking for some advice as to what is thet best thing to do, because I have found myself IN LOVE with 2 men at the same time and I have never been in this type of situation before.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 Personally I think you are not being fair to your husband, you say about the stigma of getting a divorce but is it fair for you to have sex with another man and then go back to the marital bed as such, not really.
I think in your own mind you are asking for us to give you the OK to cheat on your husband and basically that is morally wrong.
You can't have your cake and eat it and neither can this other guy, it isn't fair on his wife and children either. You are both playing a very risky game and how would it be if either your husband or his wife were to find out by accident, I think the crap would hit the fan then. You are playing with other people's lives and by keeping them on the sidelines you are not being fair to them. Both your husband and his wife and children could be having relationships with people who want to be with them and you are denying them that happiness by saying oh well let's keep things as they are and no one will get hurt. It doesn't work like that as you are not giving 100% to your marriage and neither is this man of yours right now.
You need to be honest and either cut the ties or try to make it work. Your husband has gained weight why haven't you talked to him about this aspect, does he know how you feel about it or are you just avoiding sex and the subject of his weight, again he should be told how you feel. You loved him enough to marry him so at least be a friend to him now and be honest with him.
This man of yours is going to have a very cosy little set up of saying oh let's see how things go when you move closer to him but do you honestly think you could look his wife and children in the eye and say oh it doesn't matter that I am sleeping with your husband/daddy as no one is getting hurt.
I think both you and your husband and this man and his wife should go through some counselling to resolve some of the issues that are in the relationships right now and after that if things are not right then make the break properly and set up home together if you care so much for one another.
You need to be fair to your partners right now as only giving 50% is not right and so they deserve to have happiness to.
Sorry for the bluntness but cheating is just that cheating and someone always gets hurt in the end. This man has thought about his children in as much as visitation rights but would it be right for him to stay in a loveless marriage and his kids resent him in the future when their mother and them could have had a better life with someone new?
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, ask sweeney :) +, writes (11 August 2008):
 i understand you might be confused but deep down you have to go with your heart, you have to be with the one you love or your gonna spend a very long time thinkin about him, go with your heart, be with the one you love
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