A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused as to why is this happeningSo I met this guy at a German class. It was last day of class on Tuesday and since then this guy has been on my mind. We sat next to each other and spoke a little too but weirdly I am just not able to get him off my mind. I am not going to see him again, all I know is his name and what he does. That’s it. I don’t wish to have any relation with him cause I am married and in my late 20s and he is in his early 20s. He is just so cute that I am not able to think of anything else since a week nowI love my husband and I have no intention of leaving or cheating HimBut this unexplainable connection I felt for this boy is mind bogglingI really want him to look me up on fb and get in touch but I am not going to do itI don’t know why I am feeling this way, this need for validationCan anyone help please
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2019): @youcannotbeserious thank you for your answer it is very helpful
Yeah I don’t know anything about this boy but he looked really nice and hard to imagine otherwise maybe because he is younger than me that I found him innocent. It didn’t help that he was beyond cute!
My marriage is healthy but yeah it doesn’t feel exciting anymore
I have been with my husband since four years he was my live in bf and now husband
It has become monotonous
But I can’t imagine my life without my husband
Hence I am so confused regarding my conflicting feelings
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2019): Oh my gosh
Thank you so much for answering my question so nicely
I was trying to give you full rating and it accidentally stopped at first star
My bad. I think you are 100% right. I have been in this situation before where I was working closely with a colleague but I resisted it cause he was married and I was in a committed relation( now my husband)
This colleague is good friend now and I feel nothing but respect for him cause he helped me a lot with my career
However it felt bit different with this boy I met cause it was so instant and I felt him being slightly interested too, I think the fact that I am not going to be seeing him again has left me wanting more and I have never experienced something like this
I actually thought that if he becomes friends then I will probably see him in different light
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2019): Being a married-woman, you have to activate your "impulse-control." Initiate "self-control mode!" You're a grown-woman, not a teenage high school student!
Everything you said in your post that you're not going to do, is exactly what you're contemplating and fantasizing about doing.
If you love your husband as much as you claim you do, and you feel as though your mind has been hijacked by fantasy and temptation; then just substitute those thoughts about the guy, with thoughts of your husband. Look at your ring-finger! Visualize your wedding day and your wedding-night!
Imagine how terrible it would be, if he ever caught you cheating! How terrible it would be if he could read your mind!
That's how you modify and redirect your thought-patterns. You consider the consequences of your actions; and how the wrong moves and behavior could takeaway what you've got!
We are all human, and everyone who reads your post has been in the situation where we've met someone who stuck to our thoughts. It's when you dwell on that person, and allow yourself to fantasize; that your mind will start coming-up with unsavory ideas.
It is true, that an idle-mind is the devil's workshop! You will try and find him on Facebook, and then you'll silently stalk him. It will seem harmless; but the mind isn't going to be satisfied with just that. Then the little devil on your shoulder will say: "send him a friendship request!" Next thing you know, you're entertaining your crush on a full-time basis, and becoming infatuated.
Nip it at the bud!
If there's something you need that your husband isn't giving you; sit-down and try and figure-out what it is. If you thought your husband was fantasizing about another woman (or porn); you'd be here on DC crying "woe is me!" Agonizing, moaning, and groaning about how your self-esteem has been shattered and shot to hell!
The idea of FB was a genuine plan, and it's going around in your mind!
Dismiss and purge that idea! That's how trouble and cheating begins, my dear.
No, we're not going to just trivialize this down to mere fantasy or a harmless crush; because he just might be the start of a pattern of behavior. Then the next cute-guy comes along, and here we go again! He'll start to trigger yet another crush.
Every move or action starts out as a thought, or an idea. If it satisfies a desire; then we'll make it so! Cheating starts out innocently sometimes. Just a fantasy. Then it becomes a craving!
So extinguish any idea about making contact, or looking him up. If you go that far, you will most certainly go too far!
Try this. Imagine what it would feel like if you knew your husband was doing what you're doing about some random female. Imagining the love of my life was hot for somebody else; that usually keeps me in-line! I've been cheated on before, and I hated that feeling! Hence, I won't let the little devil on my shoulder whisper ideas into my ear that will ruin what I've got.
He's your husband, and he is trusting you are his 100%. You will always see attractive people around you. Temptation comes to visit now and then, and you'll crush. Just don't give temptation a seat to sit-down and hang-around! Lusting in the thoughts is still cheating; if you carry it around in your mind too long! Little signals start to flow from your brain down to your genitals!
Dwelling on a thought about a person and fantasizing; might lead to an action. For this reason, you must distract your thoughts about your classmate with thoughts of your marriage, and the love of your life.
Imagine what it would feel like living life without your husband. Someone I loved dearly for 28 years, got cancer and died. I had to go on without him. You better appreciate what you've got, while you've got him! Roving-eyes lead to trouble!
Let the crush fade-away! You're human, and it will happen again. You just practice resisting and purging those thoughts. That's how we stay faithful to the one we truly love. The one who loves and trusts us.
I hope this helps!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2019): Exactly what Youcannotbeserious said. Just because you're married doesn't mean you're immune to crushes. As long as you don't act upon the attraction and purposely engage with this person for the sole purpose of engaging with them, then it's okay.
I find that the quickest way to kick the crush from my mind is to plan a fun/romantic date with my husband. It brings me back to our marriage and reminds me of why I chose him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (9 July 2019):
 Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you are immune to feeling attracted to others. However, what you choose to do about that attraction will define what sort of a person you are.
We all meet people occasionally who we fantasize about and crush on. If that is where it ends, there is no problem. Remember, you know next to nothing about this guy. He could be in a relationship. He could be gay. He could be a really evil person. He could have habits which could be deal-breakers for you.
Try to focus on making your marriage more exciting and on spending quality time with your husband. The crush will pass in time.
...............................
|
