A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I like everyone else am a normal guy, loved a girl, got married to her and I am happy. I love her the most in this world and she does love me too. Her parents have a great deal of respect for me. The problem is that she has a sister, who has had 3 relationships go sour. The last one ended in her marriage falling apart. She is a divorcee now. She stays with her parents. I used to like her from the beginning. She thinks that I am an honest guy with the best sense of humour. In the past I have helped her deal with her problems. Now as time flies by I suddenly have started developing feelings for her. They are going strong as the days pass by. I live away from my wife, in the sense my wife, my inlaws and my sis in law stay together, I had to stay away because my job. Every day we talk over the phone and I have now gotten into the habit of saying the expression "Love you" - which I generally used to tell my wife to end the call. She does not talk about our calls to my wife. She is beautiful, 21 years and I am 28. My wife is also 28. I want to give her all that I can in this world, I just want to see her happy. Even in this very moment that I write to you I am thinking of her. Please do not mistake me but I am not expecting my relation to be sexual in nature. That's because I think that all the men who came in her life have just violated her body and her mind. I do not want to be another one. On the other hand my love for my sister in law does not reduce my love for my wife even one bit. C'mon I am trying to have a baby with my wife this year. But I also enjoy these feelings it kinda gives me a high. I do not know what to do Do I phase it out? or do I tell my sis in law how I feel about her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008):
Hi there!
I am in a very similar situation since I am in love with my brother-in-law and have been for 2 years and a half so I totally understand where you come from.
Please don't pay too much attention to some negative answers you will get a lot of those but they have not clue what you are going through so they can't understand you.
I wish I could help you but being in the same boat as you I can only say that after posting a similar question some time ago I found out there are lots of people going through the same, having this impossible or forbidden love for somebody who has same feelings but that cannot be with them, and just reading their posts helped me a lot. I did not feel alone and realized this is very common. That made me stop feeling guilty about it and it made my life a lot easier! Somebody told me once that I was very lucky because my BIL will always be in my life and I can enjoy having these feelings or desire for him and just flirt and talk and have good times without ever crossing the line, you know, and just enjoy the attraction and connection that we will always feel for each other. I know it's very hard because when you are in love with somebody you just want to be with them and to fight these feelings and the attraction is not easy at all, tell me about it! :-) Some people I read they tell each other how they feel and most then start affairs. My BIL and I don't have to tell each other how we feel because we know just looking into each other's eyes. It's amazing! So, I don't know if I will ever tell him with words how I feel but for now I am just ejoying our innocent flirting and especially our friendship that I value a lot.
I wanted to add that I also stopped feeling guilty when I realized that my BIL and I are not blood related and that we are just a man and a woman that love and are attracted to each other but in an impossible situation since one of us is married to someone that we both love. Sounds confusing but I know you will understand me.
Hope this helps!
Good luck to you and be strong.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): You are WEAVING the traingle yourself, and you can see it. You are in the beginning stages of CHOICE.So you can shape your destiny what dont you want? Ask yourself Do you want to DIVORCE your wife?Do you want to be away from her permanantly?Do you want children with another woman?Do you want a life without her?Do you want to destroy the family?Do you want to start an affair?The choice is yours?The sister is not a very good one, she knows all to well what she is playing around with and ANY SYMPATHY should be aimed at your wife the TRUE SISTER.Sob stories...You will CREATE a big one if you carry on with the playing. Still the choice is yours.VIA CON DIOS.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): Phasing it out is probably the best option. You know that becomgin emotionally attached to this level is only harming both relationships.It is disrespectful to your wife and if the other girl is developing feelings for you as well, then it hurts her because these feelings will have no chance of coming to fruition. And in the long run thsi will cause more damage then good.Its fine for you two to remain friends, and even close friends, but to let these feelings run rampant inside of you will simply lead to bad things.So either tell the sister in law that your feelings for her are becoming a little too deep for you to handle and would appreciate her understanding and apologise for an uncomfortablility this causes, or keep it inside and just start to limit your time togther and how often you talk.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (19 December 2008):
 Ditch those I love you's to the sister-in-law and remember to save them for your wife. If truely love your wife any involvement beyond that of a brother-in-law/friend is strictly off limits. It can destroy your marriage PERIOD! It can damage any relationship that you have with your wife and her parents. You will most likely loose any respect they might have for you if you let your feelings get in the way of their other daughter's happinss. You will be putting the two sisters in the middle of a 3 ring circus!
Not to sound harsh here but this is to be honest, a bit selfish of you to think you can allow yourself to be in love with your wife whilst letting those same basic feelings to develope with her sister. This is a bad senario from the get go. Please think about how it will affect everyone involved and I am sure you will see that you SHOULDN'T let this go any further. You definantely shouldn't let the sister-in-law know how you feel. It's not really fair to either of the ladies. You must be strong and fight those feelings.
Sometimes when family members become close or form a strong attachment they can become attracted, interested or lustful of the person to which their affections are being drawn to. What you do about this feeling of affection and how you handle the situation is what will ultimately make or break your marriage. DON'T jump into the water just because you know how to swim, because you might find it's full of sharks and you don't have a lifeboat to crawl back into or a lifesaver to pull you back in.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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