A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. This is a very important query. Here is a little background on me. I am a 23 year old guy who has been rejected all his life by girls. At the age 14, a family friend cousin, at the age 16, a class fellow girl, at the age 18, another class fellow girl. Then at the age 19 I finally got successful in having someone love me which was likely not the truth as the whole relationship was her playground of flirting and after 3 years finally dumping me for another guy and telling me that I was never good looking enough for her. After gluing my broken heart from her betrayal,I was 4 times rejected by different girls. Well all this flashback is not important. This is just to convince you that whatever suggestion you give, I will be able to take it boldly as I am brave enough to be lonely again and I can very well see it coming my way :)There is this girl who has been "friends" with me for the last 14 months. She was introduced to me by my sister in law March 2011 and she became friendly with me. Now this might be appropriate to add here that she is very average looking. Moving on, we became friends and I did not make a move because I was severely heart broken because of my ex and I did not want to take a shot again. However after 5 months of healing, I told her that I like her and I want to be in a relation with her. She never said "No". She was always confused and said we can be good friends only. She is 25 and according to her: "Never had a boyfriend, never even kissed anyone". However I stopped chasing her and moved on with life. She came back herself and asked me why I left. I told her with honesty. This time she left and I let her go cause I have had enough pain in life by then. It went on and off for 5 months like that me telling her I want a relation and her disappearing. Now last month, she came out of the blue and told me: "I want us to be in a relationship. I be your girlfriend and you be my boyfriend". I made sure she was not kidding. We kissed really passionately and made out in the car twice since then. She has been bluntly telling me: "I AM NEVER GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU ALTHOUGH YOU DESERVE IT"I have tried to convince her that I am a very sincere guy and I am not going to abandon her, I will be there for her always and will always love her. But no. She says she just cannot do it. "It is weird, sick and disgusting" according to her.As funny as it might seem, I am broken again. And I want to know if I should let her go and move on with my lonely life? In the car, she let me put my hands in her bra and touch everything and she even let me rub my hands on her vagina over the pants. She even gave me a love bite that is still on my neck after 5 days. But she bluntly told me she will never go to a private place like a room, a hot bath tub or a motel with me. I tried to convince her that love making is not a sin, crime or illegality and it makes relationships meaningful and even stronger. I even said that I won't take her virginity untill she allows but atleast let me be intimate with her. She said she knows what I say is all logical but She simply cannot do it. She said you have to wait to marry me after 2 years. Then you will be able to do it with me. I told her that I have not been loved by a girl all my life and I have been craving for intimacy and I deserve it because I am a very loving and clean hearted guy. Her answer was: "You are. But I don't care".She wants me to promise her that I will marry her which I have honestly promissed that I will after 2 years I will since I have a lot in my plate (job, education and family) but she is not even ready to give me anythign at all.Even on the phone, I am the one saying romantic things. And after the call, it is me who says "I love you", " I want you to be in my arms all the time" or "I miss you" And she just remains quiet or giggles.Tell me if I should break up. It has been a month in relationship, 4 dates and numerous calls. All I feel is pain inside my heart all the time now. I think I just have to be alone forever without someone to love me truely. Please advice.
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bra , cousin, flirt, move on, my ex, sister in law, vagina Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): hello,
Ok, this is not very difficult to handle. I say keep her; you guys have it good. I mean respect her. If she dosen't want to have sex until marriage, that's fine! It's as simple as this: wait till marriage, and you can have as much sex as you want! she's a good girl. respect that
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): i feel very sorry for your past. but i find that your in the worng about alot of things. may its tha fact that you have never really had a fulling relationship or the fact that maybe you what to get as much out of this new relationship before she bumps you like the other one, i dont know. but true i dont think you really like this girl, if you did you wouldnt be so inconsiderate to her decision to not have sex. sex isnt about deserving it or not, im sure there are many great guys out there that arent getting any loving so you should feel lucky enough to have what you have . having a grilfriend isnt just about having a sex partner its about simply wanting someone you love to be with you. its about the time you spend together not what you do together. i think you have to make a choice and dicide if the love she is giving now is enough to make you happy if not, then do your self and her favor and just break up, but stop trying to guilt her into telling you be with her.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (21 August 2012):
 Lot of things going on here. If you really like her, you need to respect that she has ideals that will not budge until she has married you in 2 years. They cannot be and should not be adjusted for your tastes. She is allowed to have these ideals. You only lose your virginity once. You don't deserve her virginity just because you've had it rough. You will actually drive her away if you persist in how deserving you are of her c*nt, and if she gave in, she may never forgive you or herself for that. If you respect her, you must respect her very clearly set boundaries.
I also think you're taking her statement too personally-she clearly has standards, she's a "good girl" and she will not give her V-card up for ANYONE until she's married, so it's not right for you to act like she's done this to you and that it's another rejection like the other girls. her offering that marriage is the way to get her to open up is her way of saying she can be there for you, physically, but not until she's in a committed relationship that is forever. 4 dates is too soon for some people, it would be for me.
Clearly the physical stuff is on hold, and in my book that could be compensated for by growing intimacy in different ways but I don't see the emotional connection developing either because of she sounds a lot more immature than you. She's 25 and thinks sex is icky? and she expresses no emotion or laughs at you when you open your heart to her? That is an unfulfilling relationship. But it's still a new-ish one! So you have the option of giving her a chance, allow for her feelings to grow and for her not to laugh off your words of commitment. It's possible she just feels uncomfortable, like there's too much happening too fast for you to be saying such romantic things. Still, women come in all shapes sizes and colors and there's nothing wrong with finding one that's naturally more affectionate off the bat.
This may be all over the place, my weighing your situation, but my bottom line is I think you need to evaluate what you're getting out of the relationship, whether you can look beyond no sex, whether you have the patience for developing the emotional connection (which you'd have to do with anyone). Take a step back from your gut, which seems to be saying abandon ship, and see if you're blinded by a general belief of feeling unloved. If you know you need and can't stand someone that doesn't shows you affection, in either physical or emotional forms, you should move on now.
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