A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing a guy for 2 years and we got on really well. About 3 months before he started texting my best friend's mate after they met briefly once at a party. I confronted him and he assured me they were just friends. He then broke up with me in October saying I wasn't right for him. Since then he started seeing the girl he had been texting. She said he wasn't what she wanted so he started sleeping with another girl he knew. When that didn't work out he suddely started getting in touch with me. By this point I had just started getting over him, and my mum died of cancer two months before so I am vulnerable.Basically we have started causually seeing each other but my trust in him is really low. He watches a lot of porn (masturbates to it nearly every day) and I think that is linked to him wanting other girls. By looking at it so much I think he believes the grass is greener elsewhere but i'm the 'safe bet'. I have a higher sex drive than him and am always up for some fun. I do everything he likes but he very rarely goes down on me or bothers with much foreplay. I feel a bit like he's using me as a sex toy with a pulse at times. I am 28, sociable and get a reasonable amount of attention off guys but i never really see anyone I fancy.I just don't know what to do I am lonely right now with losing my mum. My ex of 4 years had an affair for 6 months before I found out now this. I just don't know if I'll ever find someone who is into me and that's enough for them.Help, need some advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. I think you are right about him coming back to me because he couldn't get someone else because that's how i've been feeling. My worry is that he's not making a big effort we've just slipped back to old habits. I feel like he takes me for granted and doesn't have to make an effort to keep me. If this carries on I'll just feel bitter which is never going to work.
Thanks again x
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 July 2011):
 I am very sorry to hear about your mother, you must be going through a hard time at the moment and who would blame you, you are still grieving and off course you are going to feel lonely that is only normal.
But sweetie you need to stop meeting up casually with this man. He is no good for you. He broke your trust and hurt you just so he could get it on with another woman, am sorry to say this but it sounds like the only way he came back to you was because they didn't want him. It sounds like he is just using you and you are letting him because you are feeling lonely. It needs to stop, he is only bringing you more pain and you have enough of that at the moment.
You need some time on your own to get used to life on your own and you need to distance yourself from him and grow independent. Once you feel stronger again start going out with mates and meeting new men again. You need to start from scratch and have fun doing it. This man is only going to cause you more heartache and grief, he will also leave you feeling more lonely than you are now. Be strong and tell him it is over and you don't want to see him again. You can do it girl. Good luck.
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