A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years. I have had a bad experience with blowjobs in my past and i know my boyfriend really wants one but i can't let go and give him one. I'm not ready. But he's become withdrawn and he tells his friends he's sexually frustrated even though we have sex more than 3-4 times a week. When we get into an argument, he brings up how he's willing to do anything for me and i can't do the same for him. He is willing and always offers to give me oral but i refuse since i feel like it's not fair. I'm feeling inadequate because sometimes he'll make little comments about oral sex and how all his friends get some and how his exes were always willing to. He's never actually pressured me into doing anything though. I want to satisfy him but i've had such a bad experience with it and i just can't get over that. Are we doomed? I love him and he loves me but i feel like this one issue is separating us. I am always left feeling guilty and like what i've given him isn't enough.
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blow-job, his ex, oral sex, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (23 January 2013):
Listen to a male's point of view. Chris Rock said something which is very true, men can not go backwards sexually, in other words if he likes BJ's and had them in the past it's very hard for him to let go of that. The second thing is to identify what it is you dislike about BJ's and work on it. If I didn't like going down on my gf I would certainly work on it so that I could find a way to please both of us. E.g would he be ok if he wore a condom while going down on him? Sex like any other part of a relationship requires understanding and sometimes compromise. Work out where both of you stand and why.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 January 2013):
 What happened that caused you to be so afraid?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): When a couple has any disagreement about oral sex, the majority of the female advisors will always blame the guy. No matter what the circumstances are.
I have been reading here for several years. I have yet to see an oral sex disagreement question go another way. The man is always blamed for something. If he won't say or do anything wrong then he will get blamed for his feelings that he is keeping to himself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): I think some of the previous lady posters are wide of the mark. He's not being selfish, rude or pressuring you. He's just not having his sexual needs fulfilled and should walk away from this relationship because he's not going to get them fulfilled. I mean he doesn't even get the pleasure of giving you oral.
You're just not sexually compatible. There are lots of guys who either don't like blow jobs or don't care if they have them or not. I'm not one of those guys. For me giving and receiving oral is a need. I need those things to have a good sex life. Am I selfish because of that? No, and I won't stick around with a woman who isn't on the same page as we're just not compatible. I know plenty of women who don't think they should have to give blow jobs and that of course is their right and decision but if they can't give them to me then I can't be with them.
There is nothing wrong with not giving head OP, nothing at all but it does mean you and he are not sexually compatible. He's not happy without them, he has told his friends he#s not sexually satisfied and you're not happy that you can't provide that so both of you are unhappy here. It's time to move on.
There is absolutely nothing selfish about being unhappy about being sexually unfulfilled OP, I bet those very same lady posters would cut him down for not giving you oral if that was your issue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): This relationship is doomed. He clearly doesn't respect or care about you enough to sustain a relationship. He is too selfish. You are being pressured and emotionally blackmailed right now. This alone is very destructive to relationships and when the topic of the blackmail has to do with sex and intimacy it's even worse. Unless your bf changes his attitude - and I don't see it happening - this will end up killing your trust in him and with it the closeness and intimacy even if technically you haven't left him yet. Don't settle for this kind of relationship or let it get to that low point. It is but one road to future infidelity by the sexually dissatisfied partner or the unhappy unvalidated partner.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 There are always ways around these problems. He is indirectly pressuring you which is wrong but I can understand his frustration. First off identify exactly what your not comfortable with be it the taste, texture or havin cum in your mouth. Whatever part was bad for you in the past take it out of the equation. Use flavoured lube, tell him that If your gonna do it u want to be in control, so no thrustin deep into your throat, tell him to tell u if he is going to cum so you can finish him off with your hands. If he respects you then this will be enough for him, and I'm guessin he will be very pleased with any head u give him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 January 2013):
 There are men that don't like blow jobs. find one of them.
I'm going to tell you this right now: this will never work for you guys. He's trying to guilt you into doing something you don't' want to do.
My husband will NOT give oral sex to me. He gags at the thought... I miss it but I knew this was a condition of our being together. OTOH, for him blow jobs are mandatory. Since I like doing them it worked out well for us.
I TEASE him now and then about missing it but I don't bully him. I don't fight with him about it. I don't call him names and I don't not give him blow jobs that I want to give him to punish him for not giving me oral sex. NOR do I give him blow jobs expecting him to give me oral in return. Sex is not TIT FOR TAT...
YOU are not inadequate your boyfriend is. He is inadequate in that he can't accept you for who you are and wants to make you what HE wants in life.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (10 January 2013):
 If you have had a bad experience and don't feel comfortable with giving him oral sex then simply don't it. Never feel pressured to do something that you are not comfortable with, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. You had a bad experience, i think that your boyfriend should be more understanding torwards this. I think its a little harsh of him to go telling you all his friends get some and that all his exe's were willing too, im sure you don't need to hear this, he's really insensitive by saying this. Its not like he is hard doneby is it, he gets sex 3-4 times a week.
k
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