A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello :) I met a guy in November of 2010 and the connection was wonderful. At the time he was travelling in Ontario and after Christmas headed back to BC and promised to come back in six months. Watching him leave was terrible and stirred so many emotions within me. It wasnt long before he said he would be back sooner because we both missed each other. His plan was to come back here this month. Throughout January I kept the faith and found his transient lifestyle really hard to keep up with since he would be who knows where for days and no communication would happen which was hard on me. Still I tried to keep the faith since the essence of his presence still remained with me and I longed to be held in his arms once again. He started spending time sleeping over at a female friends house that I never met and refused to talk with me while he was there. Not knowing this female created some anxiety within me but I still kept the faith. At times when we were able to talk he started to just shut me down literally and disconnect when we were online without saying anything to me. Soon I would learn that his time was mostly being spent in bars or with his female friend. Last night he called me to say that he was going to the airport to buy his ticket to come and see me next week :) Not long after that he mentioned how he was talking online with a woman he didnt even know and told me he made the suggestion to go and meet her when he was here in Ontario. This didnt sit well with me at all. At that point he said that he wanted his freedom to meet other women he meets online while he explores what he claims is his love for me. I held my ground and said that I was not comfortable with that. He told me I was possessive and got a refund for his ticket :( I am left feeling a little empty today and am just wondering what this sounds like to someone else out there? P.S. I have noticed that he spends a lot of time online on facebook chat well into the wee hours of the night. He has over 2000 friends, most of which he does not know and consistently adds random women all the time.Thank you for your time :)
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Tell him to go explore his sister's c...,sorry, never mind.
It's not even fair that I 'm harsh with the guy, because , I guess, he has not done anything bad. He is a sexual and social butterfly, with a very fluid, disengaged lifestyle, and a passion for getting his ego stroked by his collection of female "friends "-and personally this kind of guy irritates me , but being like him it's not against the law, and unless he had promised you exclusivity,committment, monogamy and the chance of future developments, well, at your age I have to say " buyer beware ". You met this amiable traveller , who 's apparently here today gone tomorrow, who sleeps at female fiends where he can't be reached at, who shuts online communications out of the blue, who basically spends his life on Facebook,... you sort of know where the land lies. It's not a matter of keeping the faith, it's a matter of , in a way, working with what you have , which in your case was just
that feeling of connection, but, if I am not mistaken, not a request for a steady relationship,or anything like that. What I am getting at is, I understand you that you are disappointed and that you wanted things to turn out differently, but ,could you really expect it on the base of your conversations and interactions so far ?...
If he wants to "explore" you can't stop him, and if you want a committed , monogamous relationship, well, that's not what he wants - so I guess you are just incompatible from this point of view. It happens.
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