A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello Everyone...I am 25years old and my husband is 30years old,we are married for 6years now and have two kidz who is 5years old and 1year and 4months old..I am not happy at all in my marriage,It seems it was the biggest mistake of my life to chose him...I don't know what's wrong with him he is not interested in sex at all...It has been ages we last had sex and that even I went to him,He never comes to me for sex...Sometimes when I go to him,He just pushes me away and tells me to go away or tells me am tired or don't eat my head or I am sleepy and so so so...He alwayz has excuses ready? I think he has got an affair,even before had caught him having affair with someonea...I love and care about him alot,I dnt wanna loose Him...Please Help...!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2012): Well thnx everyone for your reply...Well dorothy u r completely right about I was married at the age of 19 years and my hubby was 24yrs old...My husband is a site manager and engineer,apart my hubby has lots of properties like flats,beach land and etc...Well my husband does have phone and even has account but I knew all the passwords of his accounts and even I can check his phone whenever I want...About having affair in the past he himself confessed about it and that is how I came to know about it...My husband never stays out long enough. Even if he goes out and becomes late he makes sure he let's me know where he is and with whom and etc...Even when I show him I am suspicious about where he is,He gives me proof about where he was and so and so...!!!Well we just talked with each other yesterday and I hope all will be well soon as we tried making each other understand our views and both of us are trying to change ourselves so that we should fulfill each other needs and change for the better...If anything further will update and am very much pleased and appreciate for all the advices,suggestions and reply...Thank You All :)
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 July 2012):
Hi there. Your marriage beginning 6 years ago and now you are 25 years old, would make it that your marriage began at you being 19 years of age.
That's pretty young, isn't it?
A lot of young people these days are getting married more like the age you are now - 25 years old, or even more.
Which means that they have gone through all the life stages of socializing out with their friends, and perhaps a bit of world travel as well.
In other words, gaining some very valuable life experiences, before they decided finally, to settle down once and for all.
Being married at 19 and your husband at 24 years, means that there probably has been many lost opportunities for your both.
And I say this, particularly, as you have one child who was born 1 year after you married and then the second child approximately 3 and a half years after that.
So you didn't have much time together alone, just the two of you, did you now?
Perhaps your husband is thinking about what things he would still like to do with his life, even though he is married and has two children to care for.
Being a family and with two children so young, there are many things you just can't do at the moment.
Your first child is probably in school now, so that gives you some free time, with one less child home with you all day long.
Even if your husband did have an affair in the past, it probably has nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do, and more to do with him feeling a bit lost and not knowing in what direction to head with his life.
In short, he could well be in a state of overwhelm, and has absolutely no idea what he wants from his life right now.
Although he is only young - 30 isn't old by any means - he could be reaching a stage of his life, where he is asking himself - "Who am I really?" - And - "What do I really want from life now?" - and also - "Is there something else in my life I should be doing? I feel I could be doing more or SHOULD be doing more with my life, than I currently am."
And no, I DON'T mean doing something else instead of marriage, I mean as well as being a husband and a father.
What might be missing from his life, is a sense of purpose.
You know that old question we sometimes ask ourselves - "Is this all my life is ever going to be?"
And it can be a devastating question, and it can feel like giving up on finding our real purpose in this life.
Maybe this is where he is, you just never know.
And if that is the case, well then he has some soul searching to do.
Some very SERIOUS soul searching.
And you can't help him do this, unfortunately.
This journey is his, and his alone.
It does definitely sound like he has lost his way.
And it's very common in life these days.
And this can happen especially, when other things in our lives take a very high priority - such as bringing up children.
There are so many things associated with bringing up children, that quite often our own needs get put on the back burner.
And it can seem like it's all about the children only, and our own needs getting practically forgotten about.
And over time, it can really take it's toll.
So it seems like he has to find his passion, and it might be overdue.
Something that will give his life real meaning, and that will make him want to get out of bed each morning and can't wait to start his day.
It will be well worth the effort, to find that passion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Ask him if he would prefer you to have your sexual needs satisfied by another man, then come home happy and not need to ask him for sex, if that would make him happier.Honestly, I can't see that being a solution to the problem, but you may at least get a reaction out of him and gain an insight as to how he truly feels about you and the marriage.If he loves you and wants you, he will buck up his ways and prove it to you.If he simply shrugs his shoulders and dismisses what you've said to him, then he isn't bothered one way or another about the marriage. I didn't quite get what you said about him having an affair, but it looked to me like you said you've caught him having an affair before, and if this is the case then its possible he will do it again.But, apart from his lack of sexual interest in you, is there any other signs he's having an affair?-Does he leave the house at unusual times and or stay out longer when he does go out?-if he goes out, does he seem to make an extra effort to look presentable?-Does he have a mobile phone or internet account he's very secretive about/with?-Have you ever seen anything else that makes you suspicious that he's been around another female?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2012): Thanks For The Reply...Well He is a good husband and a best father to our kids...The problem is just sex,He doesn't treat me bad or anything?? I am afraid to lose him and for sure I love him a lot and don't want to leave him...After leaving him I don't have anyone,I am a house-wife not a working women...Apart I am not sure if he really having an affair as he doesn't go out alone or anything...Apart before he was out of town working and there was this girl working with him and they were involved in an affair and when I knew about it he left her and chosed me as that time we were only having my first daughter...!!! He goes to work from 8am to 6:30pm and then once he is back and goes to play sports until 9pm...!!! I don't know what Is wrong as he doesn't even talk with me openly about anything,when I ask he just tells me I don't want to talk?? He doesn't share what is in his heart???
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 You tell him that in a marriage you want honest communication and lots of affection, you are not happy and thinking of leaving. At the same time think about what you want to do with your career and where you will be living without him. It is hard to let go of him when the children are young but you have to realize people divorce every day and look forward to new life that's more satisfactory. Your husband does not want to change and make efforts to improve your marriage. Some husbands do not want sex with wives because they look at it as performing a duty, and generally wife means responsibility and expectations. An affair is like an escape, the other woman appreciates the little time they have. More often than not it has nothing to do with his attraction to you. Staying with him will only keep you love starved. You will not lose the title of marriage but you will definitely feel loneliner than when you were single.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (28 July 2012):
 With all due respect, if you are so unhappy, why are you continuing to have children with this man? Is sex the only thing you are having trouble with? Is he generally a good husband and father?
The first thing you need to do is have a serious talk with him about the sex. Maybe he does not want to have sex because he's afraid you'll get pregnant again and he'll have more children to take care of. Do you use protection? Maybe he does not want to have sex because he's tired. I am not sure, but you don't provide much information for us to go on. All you say is that you're fed up because he won't initiate or otherwise have sex with you.
If you could give us some more information, it would help. What is your relationship like? If he really has had an affair before, what happened and why did you take him back?
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