A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really need help on overcoming my insecurity and body image issues . I have been married almost twenty years and am now separated . I have met someone and am extremely nervous about getting naked with him . I know he has been with women who have had one or two children but not four like me and the stress of carrying four babies had taken it's price on my breast and skin and stomach I feel very nervous. It doesn't help that my husband was not exactly supportive over the years and never ever complimented me despite my efforts to look attractive for him Help.. Please . I'm doing all the common sense things like exercising and eating well, looking after myself and dressing nicely but is there anything else I can do to make me feel ok about getting my fear off in front of someone new
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Alot of women have insecurities about there body. I have many scars 2 children rolls alligator skin but I wouldnt be worried unless you are planning on making movies lol. I would just keep it simple What you see is what you get if they cant accept what you have to offer someone else will. Alot of times a women is very attractive when she is not rude and attitudy. Its true personality can take you a long way. I understand at times we as women go through things in our mind and make a bigger deal than what it really is. I also know if they didnt like some of what they seen they wouldnt be showing interest at all. I would straight out ask if its a issue and what issue if any would there be concerning your weight and having 4 children. Alot of times its not a issue. I dont know what else to suggest other than this unless you keep your clothes or some items on like alot of women do.
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (9 March 2014):
Dear OP,
There is no magic recipe about body confidence, but my advice is that first, YOU accept your body as it is. You can't change or hide your age or the fact that you've had four children. But would you want to do that? Those are the traces of YOUR life. Your life, which was and is important to your children, and now to a new man. So, something to be proud of, as well.
Also, what do you like about your body? Look at it in a gentle and loving way. If you expect the man to see your beauty, but you don't see it yourself, it won't make you as happy. You will stay insecure about why he loves you, if you don't aknowledge your own beautiful self.
You were strong enough to free yourself from a non-supportive husband, now try to get the strength to move on to new times.
It's always a risk and it's always scary, showing your body to someone new, someone that matters to you. I know that fear and as soon as sex starts to matter to me, I invent new insecurities and problems. But, besides that, I try to remind myself that I am my own best friend and that it's important I love myself, too. That I assure myself I can handle rejection. Because I will take care of myself, no matter what.
And also, I remember myself that my partner probably has some body-issues himself.
I wish you good luck and lots of happy days to come.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): I would say ease into it. Start with little light like from a candle or leave a door open...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): We can only offer words of encouragement.
Unless you are hiding our body under shape-enhancing or restricting garments (or Spanx), he can pretty much see
the body beneath the clothing. He can see the shapes and natural contours of your frame. He would not be dating you; if he wasn't attracted to you for the whole package. Men also like very natural women.
A lot of people write us with body insecurities; but who doesn't have them? There are a lot of excuses made for people being ashamed of who they are or how they look. Is that what our world has become? We can't look in a mirror without comparing ourselves to something that we're not?
Well, you will now be able to tell how much he really cares for you. You will also learn how comfortable you can be around him. Once he sees you from head to foot, he will have to love you for who you are. I guess you have to get a head-start, and love yourself first. Nobody can do that for you. No one can rearrange your brain. That,my dear, is your job.
There are things we can expect from other people, and things we just have to do for ourselves.
Those of us seeking love, can't find and maintain love; until we approve of ourselves. If you feel worthy, you are worthy.
I can be pretty tough with people at times. I have spent many years in my skin being a person. We are supposed to become more wise and enlightened as we age. We are supposed to be able to pass on what we know to the next generation.
All the knowledge and experience we have accumulated. We must pass on pride of heritage, family-history, and a sense of personal pride and confidence.
If you have raised children. They need all this by example.
You can't use your ex-husband as an excuse for all your faults and weaknesses. Some were there before you met him.
He may have abused you and neglected you. You can rebuild what he has broken. That takes self-love. That's why nature gave it to us. So we can survive through tough emotional and psychological challenges. You have control over your happiness. No one else does. Therapists and pills cannot recreate who we are. That is our job. We survive through strength and perseverance.
Give yourself some credit. You survived a bad marriage, you single-handedly raised your kids, perhaps with some help from the ex. But who are they living and growing with?
We can feed you a lot of pretty words, pump you up.
You are the one who has to face him. If you want him, give him the woman that you are. If you eat right, exercise; then you should take confidence and pride in the fact that you are, and will continue, taking care of yourself.
Work on your "feelings" about yourself. Not just how you look to other people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): Everyone has their insecurities, some greater than others. The best piece of advice I can give you is to make yourself appear confident, like you said, you're doing everything you can to look nice and this man has clearly taken an interest in you, he obviously likes you and wants to be with you. Stand and look at yourself in the mirror (naked obviously) and count all the good parts of your body and I guarantee there will be several so don't freak out and think oh no what will I do?! Just relax and think about the things a man would want and see how many you have, I bet you'll have more than you think. Just make yourself feel more confident, repeatedly look at yourself in the mirror, your figure, your face, your hair, anything that anyone has ever complimented and these will become your strengths. You could even try different walks, what I mean is, one foot in front of the other to give your hips a slightly shake, hands on hips. And even dancing can improve your confidence, just learn how to move your body to impress and your confidence will increase. And just remember, everyone is insecure about something, you just have to forget anything you think of as negative and focus on the good. Good luck!
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