A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, and thanks for reading. I am very apprehensive and insecure when I have sex with my boyfriend. I wish I had the confidence to initiate but everytime I build myself up to initiate, I clam up. I find myself to be beautiful and I love my body but I am not secure with the way my vagina looks and I will not allow my boyfriend to see me naked due to this fear. I so wish to feel sexually confident. Any advice is appreciated. Thank
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confidence, insecure, sex life, vagina Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much, I really appreciate it. I dig the idea of just being open wth him about my thoughts...love it, thank you. No one has ever commented negatively about my vagina, I just personally think it's unattractive. I wish I can pinpoint where this stems from so I can pull the root out, but I am at a loss.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2016): This might not be the best thing to say right now, but...
I assume your boyfriend wasn't a virgin? I'm not going to ask how many partners he might have had before you, but if it's 2 or more, then he's going to have seen quite a range of vagina shapes!
I know he really wants to see you naked and will not be offended by your vagina, whatever it's shape. You just need to get beyond your fear, somehow.
Have you told him about it? If you haven't yet, I would do- it would take the pressure off the situation. I'm pretty sure he's enjoying sex with you, and if he knows you have confidence issues, he won't pressure you into anything you're not ready to do. And once he knows, he can help you get over your confidence issues too. And it would put his mind at reast in the possibilty that he's noticed your insecurity but can't work out what it is.
Lastly- has something happened that has made you insecure? Did a previous boyfriend make a bad comment or have you looked on the internet or has a friend said something that's triggered it? Trying to understand where the roots of your insecurity lie will help you to get past them.
What's most important is to not leave the confidence issues un-checked, small problems like this can quickly grow.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (29 November 2016):
Take it from a man...We do not care for the most part. What we care about is you wanting us, not so much what you look like down there.
Let me explain how a man's mind work in this regard...
We men do not normally see a problem with how you look...nor do we generally care. When a woman starts pointing out things about her body she does not like to us, guess what happens??? We start seeing it, and start disliking it too.
So if you are loving all of you, and enjoying all of you, we do the same. if your boyfriend has not pointed out any faults in your body, do not give him reason to see one.
We men are simple when it comes to sex...Getting it...Good. You like it...good. We can give you an orgasm...good. We can have an orgasm...good. Get food after...good. Sleep....good.
So don't start bringing complicated things into the bedroom.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (29 November 2016):
 Look through the pictures on here: http://www.labialibrary.org.au
You're very lucky you feel so happy with the rest of your body, so don't underestimate the power of that. Check out the link and see that they all look different and to 99% of straight guys, they all just look normal and it turns them on that you're having sex, rather than anyone thinking about what it look she like.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (29 November 2016):
 Va jay jays come in all sorts of shapes,sizes and colours. Much the same as mens Jolly Rodgers. Short of surgery, it is what it is and they are what they are. You may see it as having imperfections, he more than likely sees it as,sorry to be crass, "mmmmm...pussy'. You could do a bit of artistic landscaping, dim the lights or wear sexy lingerie taking it off till last minute if that makes you a bit more comfortable. Either way it all just adds to his visual experience.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (29 November 2016):
 Until a few years ago when a friend, in her 60s, told me she had never felt comfortable with the appearance of hers. I hadn't even realised vagina appearance could be an issue for some women, so when I got home I did some online research. You know what I found? I found that vaginas come in all sizes, shapes and colours, and that they are ALL perfectly normal.
Whose vagina are you comparing yours to? Porn movies?
Is there a women's health centre anywhere near you, or Planned Parenting office .... they might be able to reassure you that your vagina is nothing out of the ordinary ... if you are still feeling insecure make an appointment to see a lady doctor for reassurance.
If you don't want to visit a doctor then do some research online, google up the images and then check them all out .... and see for yourself that you have nothing to be concerned about.
Good Luck!
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