A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem that i feel quite embarassed about. I'm almost 27 years old, and i'm still a virgin. That makes me feel bad enough, but what makes me feel even worse is that i am currently interested in a man who is 23 years older than me. He apparently has only had a couple of relationships. I'm not sure if those women are the only people he has slept with, but even if thats the case, he has still slept with more people than i have. I'm worried about telling him that, as i think i will have to, as he will probably tell i am inexperienced because i will have difficulty doing sexual things.Another problem i have, which isn't as bad, is that sometimes he rings me up on the last minute to ask me to go out for a drink with him. i dont like going out drinking very often, partly because i can be a homely person at times, and because i dont like drinking alcohol very much. he goes out drinking quite a bit though. Today, for instance, he called me early in the afternoon to ask me to go out for a drink with him, but i hadnt been feeling well for the last couple of days, and at first, i thought i was going to be going staying with a friend for a few days. i didnt tell him i'd been ill, but i told him i was going to my friend's place, and asked him to ring me on sunday. those plans with my friend fell through later on. he rang me again a few hours later, on the house phone number, so obviously, he knew i was at home, so he was probably wondering why i wasnt with my friend like i said i was going to be. he asked me if i wanted to go for a drink with him tonight, but i said i wasnt going out, but didnt give an explanation as to why. he might have thought i was soft if i had said i wasnt going because i was ill, and if i had said i dont like going out drinking much, and plus, i'm having doubts about dating him anyway, although, i havent told him that. he said he thought i was seeing someone else. he must have felt like i was fobbing him off, and it must have been on his mind, as he called me three times altogether today ( he tried to call again after i spoke to him the second time, but i didnt have chance to answer the phone in time, as he let it ring a few times then put the phone down. i know he must like me a lot, but now i'm worried that he wont ring me again. even if we dont date, i still want us to be friends. i dont know what to say to him if he calls me again though. when he rang the first time, we originally agreed that he would call me on sunday, which is why i was surprised when he rang again later in the day.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): he asks me to go to his apartment some times, although, like i said, he does go out to places with me too, so i dont think its only about sex with him ?. it's just that he can be quite explicit with his language, which, i think some older men can be, more than younger men, probably because they are more experienced than some younger men ?. whereas, i dont talk like that. i once mentioned that i wanted to get to know him more first actually, and he said , " what do you need to know about me ? "another thing i'm confused about is a few of his male friends said they think i'm a really good looking girl too, and one of them kept winking at me !. do you think they were mocking me ?. well i'm thinking about the one who winked at me there. they are also a lot older than me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): Take it slow and get to know him first before worrying or venturing into anything remotely sexual...If you do decide to date tell him you are a virgin so he doesnt assume you have experience..There is nothing to be ashamed of, particularly in this day and age....A good man will respect you for that and even if you decide you want a relationship without sex, make sure you tell him..Whatever happens and whoever you do date always be upfront with them and honest...It will help put you at ease....Be proud, you have certainly done well to keep yourself, it is nothing to be ashamed of and something to be admired...However I would advise that you try and be wise cs I know that being naive can be dangerous in th eworld we live in...so be careful who and when you give yourself to..If you decide to wait till you are married , seek to stick to the decision ...all the best..well done
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A
female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 first of all, you have no reason to be ashamed of your virginity, it may sound rude but many men like virgins because they are able to teach them everything the way they want it. your inexperience will mean nothing because if he really likes you, he wont be upset by it. you need to be honest with yourself and him and i almost guaruntee he will be pleasently surprised. as for the other question, you say that you dont enjoy going out because you feel unnatracive. i cant make you love yourself but i can tell you that you need to remember him! he obviously is attracted to you and wants to show you off! he wants you to go out because he is proud to have you on his arm and wants ppl to know it! to him you are beautiful and deserve to have some fun! now you will need to call him and apologise for the phone thing, and about the friend stay, because from his end it may look like you lied and are ignoring him and he wont know differently unless you tell him. you will both do fine, you just need to stop being afraid!
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (19 March 2011):
 You need to start being honest with this guy or you will mess things up between you. Tell him you like him but just aren't much of a drinker. You only need to tell him you are a virgin when you are ready too. You could even wait until he is taking your pants off to tell him if you want. Unless you want to take things slow and need him to understand why.
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