A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in the process of splitting up (well, we have already I suppose, but we are still in the same house when he is here.) He is trying to get the funds to buy me out and until he does I am hoping to stay here and not move in with my mother, as he wants me to - but it is so stressful and painful having him ask me to move out or he will change locks, cut off plugs...He keeps saying he still loves me but we have reached the point of no return and I can't forgive him as I don't know what he has done...although i do suspect things...I have 2 daughters and am 44 so I need the money he has promised me and my solicitor has said to stay here as he will get me the money quicker to get me out.He can afford to buy me out as he earns almost 10 times what I earn. I sold my own house to move in with him and we both own this.I Know it is just "time" and these things can be slow, but I feel hurt, rejected and scared and worried and I am lonely too as the man I thought I knew and was here all the time , isn't - he is like a stranger when he is here.My job is safe until october 07 which is not good if I am needing a mortgage, so not only have I got the break up, and finding a new place, getting the money and getting moved out, I have to find a new job.I have applied for alot this week.I keep crying and i feel sorry for myself (which I don't want to do) i feel tired all the time too and have butterflies in my tummy constantly.He says he is leaving me because of my negativity - and i am always down. He says it will all be fine, but it doesn't feel that way at the moment.I don't want medication but I feel messed up.
View related questions:
money, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): Oh my love,
Im so sorry for you and that i didnt answer sooner as well, You are going through hell i no ive been there...
Are the children his? Is the house in joint names? im sure as the law stands he canot throw you out on your ear, if the children are not his then if you see an advocate you will have more of an idea were you stand. I no over here that i had the right to keep my house untill the children were of a certain age. But i left as there was abuse involved. He cant change locks cut of plugs and so forth selfish git!!!!! (Im sorry)...... Victim support are not only there for women who are beeing voilently abused, they can offer all sorts of advise to help you in this situation, and the citizens advice will help you sort an advocate, sweetheart if you need a chat at anytime just mail me dont sit alone crying ok i hope this helped a little its so hard for you TAKE CARE LOTS OF LOVE AND LUCK XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, Dr. Surgel  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 Dear 44 year old Anonymous,
I really know what you are going through here because I am going through some really similar stuff now - husband of 10 years left me, no mortgage or children, but unable to pay the rent as my business is also doing badly.
The butterflies and crying are panic and depression and this is the first thing you have to sort out.
The correct antidepressants will change your life in under 6 weeks. This means that you will be able to cope with what is happening to you rather than having those thoughts of hiding in your bed. See your doctor and get prescribed. Antidepressants will not change your personality, but the right ones will change your attitude, which will give you enough clarity to see what you can do about your situation.
Secondly - do not move out of your home. He is trying to get rid of you but you have more rights to the home than he does - you own it jointly, you have the children, he has the financial access to different accomodation. Assuming there is someone else in his life - and that is not necessarily so - you have to hire a private detective to sort it out and take the cost our of your divorce/break-up settlement. That will put your mind at rest, at least you then know whether or not he is doing what you suspect.
If he has been plying up, this also means that you will fare better in any financial settlement, as he has dirtied your marriage.
So, now you're looking after yourself and your children, in your own home, and you can start to assess what part you have had in the impending break up: - from his point of view, if you are constantly negative, then the truth is you probably have been really hard to live with, and it is hard for him to see you like that. Think back to how you were when you got together, or at least how you presented yourself to him, and realise how things have changed. Let him know that it is not his responsibility to make you happy, that you appreciate whatever support he might have given you in the past, and that you are now putting things back in place in your life.
Regarding your work, investigate whether there might be any severance pay due to you, whether there is any prospect of renewing your contract, and whether there is any support provided for finding new work.
Things are already changing for you now, because you have come to this crisis.
Anti-depressants will greatly alleviate the panic and the tears, stay in your home until you have been paid out and a proper settlement has been reached, and when you're frame of mind is improved and you have more strength, then look to your employment situation.
You'll get through this and probably be better off than before
best
Dr. Surgel
...............................
|
