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I am in so much confusion thinking my husband maybe bi or gay.

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Pornography, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 February 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 25 February 2008)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I have been married for 10 years and recently learned that my husband has been viewing porn on the internet, what makes matters worse is it mostly involves other men not women. He told me it's normal for this to happen when I confronted him about it but I don't think it is.

I am beginning to wonder if he may be bisexual which after 10 years would be a heartbreak for me. We have a family together and everytime I try and talk to him about this he threatens to leave. I love him more than anything in the world but do I live the rest of my life wondering if he is either bisexual or gay.

The latest thing that I found was he had gone on a website and watched three videos of men masturbating. Please someone give me some advice on what to do, I am in so much pain and confusion right now.

View related questions: porn, the internet

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A female reader, Devilish Angel United States +, writes (25 February 2008):

Devilish Angel agony auntWhy are you in so much porn? Its just porn. It's not like he's going out to do other men! Different people have different fetishes. His is probably gay porn. Stop thinking about how much you're hurt and how much he hurt you and think about how much you hurt him by rejecting one of his most personal quirks. If he was gay, he wouldn't still be intimate with you. If he was bi, then he probably knows how to take care of his personal hygiene and has a better appreciation of you as a woman. Don't over react to this. I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend was watching gay porn...well, he has to tell me about it so I can watch it too.

Calm down and think about it. Does watching gay porn make him less of a man or less of a husband or father?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008):

your husband probably isnt' gay at all...go to npsupport.com and you will find some answers

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A female reader, TaylorChu United States +, writes (21 February 2008):

TaylorChu agony auntIt sounds as if he wants to be left alone about it when you want to discuss it and the threatening in leaving you sounds like he is ready to make a break from the marriage and try his hand at a bi/gay relationship. I really dont know what to tell you but I do know it is a rejection of you. He is willing to break his marriage vows to follow his own sexual lust after men and that is a deal breaker.

Have you sought out counseling? You might want to as it will help you get information and will give you an avenue to vent your hurt and frustrations to someone who knows how to take care of things like this especially the mental aspect.

To be honest with you, you can't make him stop his actions but you sure can try to get the point across that in him doing this he can lose everything and if he did go out and have a homosexual encounter that he could never come back to you and expect sex, that is bringing an outside unclean thing into your marriage bed and also your sexual organs!

He is being very selfish and allowing his emotions to rule him not his common sense. You may have to give him an ultimatum but this is only after you have decided if you will fight to keep the marriage together or let it dissolve if your husband is unwilling to budge from his desires to be bi or engage in viewing male focused porn.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008):

hiya just let him no that you r there for him you love him dont pressure him is he is gay or bi he mite be scared about it thing about him and what he is going through talk to him and when he needs to talk he will no that you will understand

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