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male
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anonymous
writes: My wife and I have been married a few years and things were great in the beginning. She can be a extremely selfless and loving wife. Over the last few years, she has changed though. Now she is materialistic, short tempered and fights with me over very small things often. I have tried and tried to make it work, but its just as if we are not compatible. My wife and I were married when were both very young and naive - sort of first loves when we had very little life experiences.Her younger sister has been staying with us. Ever since I met her (after I married her sister), I have been smitten. Though not as pretty as my wife, I find her beautiful. Her personality and mine are almost identical - she even admits this. I feel that she,not my wife, is my soul-mate. The sister thinks of me as a brother, but we are very close. Even the other day, the three of us went dancing and I found myself becoming jealous of other men dancing with my sister-in-law.I know that this is an impossible situation and probably should make it work with my wife, but it is with her sister that I feel a deep connection. We just "understand" each other and I love her deeply. I think I know what to do, but would like to hear your thoughts.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): I suspect you already know the REAL answer. I went through something very similar, very recently. That is not to say that I was ever at a cross-roads. I knew all along that it was impossible to ever even consider a relationship of ANY kind, let alone, with my wife's sister.What I do mean is that I was deeply "smitten", as you say, with my wife's sister. I'm not a child, so I know the difference between real feelings and temporal infatuations. Still, there was no way that anything would ever be allowed to happen - ever. It would be unfair - and unfeeling - of me to ever act so selfishly as to destroy TWO families.When you marry someone, you make a commitment to them. Saying that "she changed" is not justification. I'm sure you have changed also. If you feel as if you no longer love your wife, she is probably feeling something similar about you, though perhaps not as strongly. She senses something is wrong, and it is affecting the way she responds to you. Everything is cause and effect. SHE didn't change - you BOTH changed... and it's probably due to a lack of communication. When you stop talking, you stop sharing. When you stop sharing, eventually, you stop caring. Take a deep breath, and steel yourself to the resolve that you will never be with your sister-in-law. You can't! So, put the fantasy out of your head, forever.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): I agree that you need to make a choice. Save and work on your marriage and work together or just end it and move on.
I don't think moving on with the sister in law is advisable as it will create great conflict and stress in the family.
True love is willing to sacrifice.
I say let it go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2006): First I want to tell you that there is no such thing as "Soul Mates". People like you use this distinction to justify their actions and feelings. If there was only one person that we were meant to be with, how do you explain the love you used to have for your wife? Didn't you used to think that she was your "Soul Mate"?
Moving on to your sister-in-law - She is off limits even IF you leave your wife. This would not be something your wife would let slide and neither will the rest of the family. People would be forced to choose sides and whose side do you think they would choose? Not to mention that you would be the wedge that comes between these two women.
You better think about what your trying to accomplish here because you will have to brave a storm of consequence if you act on these feelings toward your sister-in-law.
-J
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (28 August 2006):
 A good rule of thumb is to not cheat, but cheating with a relative in-law or not is an extremely BAD idea. It will blow up in your face, it will cause rifts that can never be repaired completely. Even if she accepts your foolish notion her family will make her feel horrible and sooner or later she will turn those feelings toward you.
This is not a smart idea even to toy with.
Get marriage counselling if you are not happy in your relationship. Make a huge effort to repair your marriage. Take a class with your wife, start dating her every week, write her a poem of your love, etc.
Do something before you damage your life, your family for a silly whim that will not work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): If you feel you have tried everything possible to make your marriage work, then please, before becoming involved with anyone else, leave your wife. You will save yourself and others a great deal of heartache in the longrun. Plus, and please take my word on this, if you begin something with your sister-in-law (SIL) while still with your wife, your SIL will have every right in the future to ponder, "he cheated with me therefore he will cheat on me".
K**
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