A
male
age
36-40,
*hetz
writes:hi everyone, i'm a 20 year old guy.And i really have this terrible love problem.I am in love with my manager. She's 22 years old. And ever since i started working for her we've been friends. One could say that we're close friends.Last year she was single and i thought she was really into me. I am not sure whether she was or not, but she used to tickle me, make me do the weirdest stuff for her, a lot of things that girls do when they like certain guys. She then had an annoying guy begging her to go out with him. She has refused him many times. When she came back from her overseas trip, she decided she'll give the guy a chance. I have no idea, but when that happened, i went crazy. Didn't talk to her, started ignoring her. She did approach me once, to find out what was wrong. I then told her off, to never talk to me again. Eventually i realised what i was doing was wrong, so i started behaving normally again. Its been 8 long months since i started suffering from this problem. Everytime she talks to him over the phone, or texts him, it feels like i wanna scream and yell at her. I also get angry and depressed often, probably making her think that i'm a loser at the same time.I don't know what i want to do. I've tried everything to get over her. She seems too happy for me to spoil it for her. I don't want to spoil her happiness. I've gotten a gf but couldn't find her as interesting as my manager. I've done too many things to mention to try and get over her.So i'm struggling to find out what to do. I've come up with the following thoughts.1. Do i write a letter, and confess everything in it? And hand in my resignation form with the letter? Coz i'm not struggling for money. I only stay because of her. And she has said to other staff members on one of my off days, that if i ever had to leave, she wouldn't know what to do.2. Do i tell her face to face? This is the one i fear doing. I cannot tell her face to face. I feel sacred she might laugh at me.3. Hand my letter in without a resignation note. And ask her to help me find a way to change the way i feel about her.4. Or should i just ask her out? She and her bf have met each others families and spent time with them so this might lead to marriage. Should i stand aside and watch or should i fight for my love for her? I do not want to spend the rest of my life thinking, ''what if i told her i loved her?''
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male
reader, Chetz +, writes (6 September 2009):
Chetz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi i'm still very confused as to what to do..She's sending me mixed signals all the time. I can't understand what she's trying to tell me. At work, which is a bookstore, she's the manager, and i'm assistant manager. Its a temporary job until i can earn money for an operation.So anyways, when its really quiet in the shop, she asks me to massage her back for her while she sits down. And because i love her, i wouldn't mind doing it. We do it quite often actually. So a few days ago, she asks me for a massage, and i gave her the usual. But after that, my hands became tired. She was using my phone to mess around with it. So when my hands became tired, i used my elbows on her shoulders. And slowly, i rested my hands on her neck and was lying my head on her neck/back.. She didn't seem to mind. In fact, she started rocking from side to side. Swaying. And it lasted for atleast 15 minutes, till a customer disturbed us. Other times, she tickles me, hits me playfully, she does lots of things that suggests she likes me. She stands way too close to me for a girl who has a bf. I always let her know that work isn't great when she's off.and she always says 'yes i know i'm the light of your life'. Why does she do this? I'm not entirely sure if this is how she is with every other guy but at work she only does this to me. Why would she do all this but have a bf for over 8 months who she's considering marrying. I am deeply in love with her and am lost as to what i should do about it. She texts him every hour, she gets a phone call from him everyday and they speak to each other for atleast 30 minutes. Everytime i text her she replies only if its necessary or work related. Any advice on what i should do? Can anybody tell me why she's carrying on the way she is? Thanks in advance.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): you are in turmoil here and understandably upset trying to hide your true feelings for too long . I think you need to let the truth come out once and for all for your own sake .This situation , especially in the workplace is tearing you apart .
Firstly do not resign . You may decide to look for another job later on but don't do anything rash.I think if you can try and talk face to face , suggest a coffee or drink after work. Tell her your feelings and where you stand , and let her listen. Her feelings may be mutual . If not , then do not be devastated because at least you know the truth and can move on . Find a new group of friends , and think of perhaps going to college to help find another job that is challenging . Good Luck !
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