A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:To cut to the chase, i love a girl who is already on a relationship. She's a really close friend. I'm never bored when I'm with her. We have almost the same likes and dislikes. Stuff like movies, books, and game preferences are almost identical. So, something happened last night that made me really want to think this through. Here's what happened.I had a night out with her and a bunch of friends. Her boyfriend wasn't with us. I got really wasted and the most of the night is all a blur. The next morning, i woke up at her place sleeping at the couch. I was confused as to how i ended up there. The hangover hit so hard that even sitting was difficult. Moments later, she showed up and sat next to me asking if i'm okay. I don't know if i was still drunk at that time or not, but here she was sitting next to me fixing my hair, stroking my face then suddenly out of nowhere i blurted out that i want to hug her. Man, that was embarrassing and i became immediately flustered. But without a second thought, she hugged me. Tight. That was the shortest 15 seconds of my life. That hug made me reach my limit. I broke off the hug, stroked her face and slowly went in to kiss her. There was no resistance at all as i closed the distance bet our faces. But i couldn't do it. She has a boyfriend and i am pretty close to him. I'm a college student and both of them are my classmates. If i were to cross this line, it would turn out pretty bad. So, i shoved all those feelings, said sorry, and ran out of her apartment. My head still felt heavy because of the hangover so i went to a nearby coffee shop to collect my thoughts. It all happened in a short time and my hangover didn't help. I chatted my squad asking what i did last night. Turns out, i blurted out my feelings for her, saying stuff that i will watch over her for her boyfriend, said that i'll be happy as long as she's happy etc.. They said i almost picked a fight with two guys trying to pick her up. Made a tantrum because i didn't see her when she went to the ladies room while blurting out that i need to make sure she's safe. She looked concerned for me the entire night and offered to take care of me after we went clubbing. Blackouts are scary. I was expecting that she would avoid me because of that. Most of the time, girls would get turned off by that, right? But what just happened earlier at her place made me really confused. I know i'm an asshole for taking advantage of her just because her bf wasn't there. Being drunk is not an excuse, i know, but i cant help myself. I've had these feelings for almost a year now. And I've been holding myself back because she looks happier with her boyfriend. And i don't think i want to be the one to destroy that.I really have no idea what to do right now. I don't know how to face her at school. Any advice would be deeply appreciated. Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 September 2017):
 You need to be honest with her, she knows you have feelings so tell her how difficult it is for you to spend time with her at the moment and you need some space because it is difficult to get over your feelings when she is their.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2017): OP here. Thanks for the replies guys. I backed off for a while like you said, keeping my distance between her and started hanging out with my other friends. Well, she noticed and now she constantly tries to talk to me. She's usually a quiet girl and wouldn't start off a conversation unless talked to. So her, behaving that way seems off. Every time she talks to me, I try to keep it short and school-related and sometimes i just brush her off. It sounds harsh but i can't keep my feelings in check if i spend time with her. She knows my feelings for her but she won't give me space. If this goes on, I don't think i can get over her. My friends are kinda useless about this stuff, half of them are clueless and the other half are players and fuck boys. I don't know why i'm friends with these guys hahaha.
What should i do?? Should i keep avoiding her or not?? She seems upset everytime i brush her off like that and i don't want to see her that way. If this was some other girl, i think she's just toying with me. But knowing her for almost 3 years, she wouldn't do this kind of stuff.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (29 August 2017):
Look you made a mistake while drunk, so first off allow that to be a lesson not to drink so much as it is scary, I have experienced it myself and it is a horrible feeling not being able to remember what you done.
Now as for this girl. You have apologized she has accepted now leave it at that. If her friend asks what you where talking about just say you don't remember same if her boyfriend asks. I know its difficult now but it will pass over.
The best thing you can do for yourself is put some distance between you and this girl. You have intense feelings but it sounds like you are a good guy so try and not spend so much time with her until you give yourself a break and get over her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2017): OP here. Thanks for the reply guys. I apologized to her already and she said it was fine. She said she really wanted to talk to me about what happened that morning. Asked her why she gave me a hug and said that it might never happen again, so why not. Didn't dare to ask about the kiss attempt. I think between this lines, the hug was just a favor for a friend. My problem is that there's a girl which is her best friend which kinda has a crush on me. She's a bit of a flirt, so i don't think she's my type. So at the club, the best friend was at the dance floor and my other friends while me, the girl i like, two close friends of her boyfriend and the best friend of her boyfriend is with me at the table chatting. That was the time i blurted out that i like her, so the girl best friend wasn't there. But the girl i like told me earlier that the best friend keeps pestering her and asking what we were talking about at the table. She hopes that the best friend wouldn't find out, as for her reason why, i didn't ask. In the past, i did something happened which made her and her boyfriend fight. and the girl best friend was the one who told me to back-off.So now my worry is that if for some reason the girl best friend and the boyfriend finds out about what happened during my drunk episode. It would create college drama and I'd like to avoid that as much as possible. Something similar happened during high-school and that was enough for me.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (27 August 2017):
 Stop beating yourself up. You got drunk and did some dumb stuff. Big deal. It's not the end of the world. Lesson for the future: watch how much you drink.
You have already seen this girl since so I am sure seeing her at school will not be such an ordeal. If you are still worried, try messaging her and apologising for your behaviour. Something light like "I think I may owe you an apology for being a drunk idiot" should help clear the air.
You are right not to make a move on this girl while she is in a relationship. You are showing your maturity by realizing this could not end well. After your performance while under the influence of far too much alcohol, and also asking for a hug the next morning, she must now be fully aware of how you feel about her so the ball is in her court. If she is happy with your friend and chooses to stay in a relationship with him, then you must take a step back and leave them to it. In that case, it may be a good idea to widen your social circle so you don't spend as much time with them. It will also help you meet someone who is free to have a relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (27 August 2017):
 "she looks happier with her boyfriend"
"i don't think i want to be the one to destroy that."
Then don't.Sounds harsh and shitty but it is what it is. As for seeing her at school, my advice would be to keep it simple for both you and her. A quick apology for making things awkward and move on. If keeping your feelings in check is getting too hard around her, maybe it's time to step back-not out but back. Good luck
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