A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hy I am a 20 years old student from Bulgaria. From almost two years ago I've met a girl, and we are very close but she likes me more like a friend. Here in Bulgaria girls are very complicated and easy. For example I know a lot of girls who have boyfriend from a few years but they fall in love with someone else and things become complicated. In most of the cases they can't separate from their initial bf and they just make sex from time to time with other guys that they like. Or they are with men cause of money. My problem is that I involve too much in a relationshipe and I think with my heart. I have a friend who havs 5 gf and he tells each one that he loves them but he doesn't care at all. And mainly all the guys are like this. And I am trying to be like this because i had always bad experiences due to the fact that i care too much. But i just can't.Anyway, I've met this girl, we are collegues at university. She is turkish and at the beggining she seemed like a nice girl but i didn't looked at her as my gf. She is good looking but you know that it's hard to become a couple with a collegue so i thought at her as a friend. We will be collegues for three years from that moment so there is enough time to meet and see later if smth will happen. It would have looked stupid to rush up the things. And anyway I had a girlfriend.As time passes we became closer, we were going home with the same subway, just me and her an we were talking a lot. I helped her with learning romanian and I learned also some turkish to impress her. Also go to sports class togeter. It was more complicated to reach there, it was in another part of the town and I was going with her cause i knew the way. Lots of messages and phone calls. She was becoming part of my life.I became dissapointed again about romanian girls when my gf, who lives in my hometown, 120 km away from where i stay, left me, saying that she can t deal with distance relationship, it's not my fault. I was thinking it's ok, i did my best, came every week to see her, maybe it's my fault and I didn t tryied enough. After 2 weeks she was with another guy who lived also in the same city as me. That showed me that after 4 months she didn t even care about me. We knew eachother from a few years, this was the 2nd time we were together but i didn't mean much to her. And it made me mad. And I started to think about her, the turkish girl. I was thinking that she is different from romanian girls but it was just a thought, nothing serious about liking her. Or that's what i said to myself. One turkish guy told me that girls from turkey are different from those from here, they are very serious about relationships and also make sex only after they have deep feelings. Bulgaria was heaven to him:)) He made more sex in the first 6 months here than he made in turkey all his life. But he has car and apartment. I dont't have that much money so it's harder for me. Anyway back to the turkish girl. She was away in turkey when i broke up with my gf and she stayed there for almost 2 months cuz of visa problems. After she came back we became closer. I impressed her and I showed her that i care about her with little things that I did for her but i realised that she wants me only as a friend. You can tell this easly by gestures. I was saying to myself it's ok, i tried, i am not good for her maybe. After all, I'm not a very good looking guy, I have few money but i can say that I'm am pretty smart and a little bit funny(sorry for my lack of modesty)and i really can make her laugh. But i didn't tell her that I want to be with her. Stupid thing! That made me thinking from time to time that maybe i have a chance in the future. She really is a nice girl and i was thinking that in time she will start to like me. Very stupid thinking! One day I found out from a turkish guy from our group, a nice guy which is now a good friend of mine and he was friend with this girl also. They were like brother and sister. He knew that i like her so he talked with her about this without telling me. She told him that she trusts me, and I would be the perfect boyfriend but i don t have the proper age. She had 2 boyfriend until then, one 25 and one 27 years old. She is 1 year older than me and she has this fixed idea about bf bigger than her with at least 2 years. I told myself that I hate her, she is so stupid why she can't do what she feels and why she thinks like that. But i didn't know what the words that she said mean. Does this means that we will ever have a chance. Maybe she will understand one day.Anyway, we became closer and closer I was feeling worse after eachtime we've met, knowing that she likes me as a friend, and i can't be her bf, but when i was with her i forget about everything, feeling happy when making her laugh and talking a lot about our past and things we like. But never talked about us, about feelings between us. She now has a bf from a few months and i became jealous. I didn't expect to be like that. I am sometimes happy for her but sometimes angry. One month from when they were together she said to me that she is thinking to break up with him cause he was very jealous, calling her and texting continuously if she was with someone else. I was feeling happy about this. But after a week she said smth like she is trying to be relaxed, she won t break up with him, she tries not to get anoyed cause of this. I also felt bad about 3 weeks ago when she said that her bf is really stresfull sometimes and stupid and i was thinking why can't i be with you i will make you so happy. Her bf is 25 years old, also turkish and has a bmw. I have discovered that money are also somehow important for her although she is not that kind of girl. Anyway I don t know what to do. From 2 weeks i started to ignore her. One day at school I was staying without saying anything and without laughing and expressing emotions. She was worried and she was saying tell me what is happening. I said nothing she was insisting but somehow i managed to get rid of her. After a few days we talked on messenger I said nothing is happening. I wanted to ignore her again but i couldn't and we talked for about 3 hours on messenger. We talked also about my problems, cuz i had a lot this year, and at the end we kind of reached to an agreement not to talk about our problems again, not be so close, just be collegues. I want to stay away from her cause i must forget her. I am in love with her. There, I said it...but i don't have the courage to say it to her. I am afraid that she will reject me and i don't want that. And I am afraid to tell her that i love her. If we will be together I will be in love with her but she won t love me as much as i do. Maybe i will get hurt. But it will depend on me to make her love me. But first we must be togetherI am thinking sometimes to what i will say to her about my feelings but when we came face to face i just can t open this subject. I can t tell her what i feel. Please tell me what shall I do. I thinking everyday about forgeting her but it's so hard. Is ignoring her a solution? Do u think that it's not good to tell her what i feel as long as she has a bf? I will say all this to her one day, but should I tell her that i love her? Maybe if I will say to her that I want to be together with her, that I like every little thing about her, that my heart overflows with emotion when she calls me, and when my phone rings i hope that is her, maybe she will consider that I am obssesed with her or something. I don't know what to do. What do you think it will happen if she rejects me? How things will be after this. Omg I am really stupid why can't I think that she is just a girl. There is plenty of fish in the sea. But she is just so special to me. Sorry for my english and for writing that much. Thank you in advance for your answer. Have a nice day!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sir-T  +, writes (7 June 2010):
Hey, i have been in your shoes many times and even though i scaled through some of them, i still ask for ideas with each new girl cos they are all different.
In this case, She has a boyfriend and says you are too young... there isn't really much you can do to help yourself get over her other than opening your mind. Picture it in your mind that she wouldn't date you anyway and go ahead and talk to her and tell her exactly how u feel about her but also tell her you know she has a boyfriend but you just wanted to open your mind and free yourself.
Doing that will make her respect you and maybe even love you.
If you do not let the contents of your mind out you will remain obsessed, stalk her and end up losing your chances of getting any other girl
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