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anonymous
writes: Dear agony aunts...I'm in a bit of a quandary here at the moment... I'm with my boyf of 18 months and love him to bits and would do anything for him and I know he is mad about me too cos he has told me... but he also said that he will never marry me or any one else. THat he wants to go travel more but not wiht me! He knows I want to travel, teach and see the world!! I asked him was I wasting my time by staying with him and he said no but why is saying these things then? We're not young teenagers but in our 30's.... He's got a child already (he's 8) and says he doesn't want any more (Even tho I've never mentioned having/wanting a child with him!) Does he realise he's hurting me by what he is saying to me..... I don't want to leave him but don't want to stay if there's no future... What do you think? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your replies...
We had a great w/end 2gether and spent lots of time 2gether, went out for a meal and a drive and just spent time with each other... He was asking me what did I want for my b/day and what did I want 2 do for it and I was just so confused thinking of what he had said the last time...
I kno he had a bad break up with his ex & mother of his son as it was pretty nasty at the end - even tho it was 4 1/2 years ago?!?!
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female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (20 July 2007):
 This may be hard to understand, but I hope you do....I believe "some" men will tell you things you want to hear and will also tell you things you don't want to hear and the things that they tell you that you don't want to hear..are the truth. Now, does that mean the "good" things he said he doesn't mean? I view it like this...he tells you he doesn't want to get married, he wants no more kids...there's a reason, he doesn't and probably won't, at least ANY time soon because he sounds very set in his ways. Could they change? Anything is possible. On the other, telling you how wonderful you are or how beautiful you are, there great compliments and I am sure he does mean them, but this is the sticky part...sometimes it could be to just keep you "hanging" around for when he needs you if you catch my drift. IF he knows you want a relationship, a "real" one meaning marriage, why did he want to keep seeing you? Did he say things to you that just made you go back for more? Are you chasing him maybe? Listening to a person, really listening to someone is the key, to me, in really understanding someone and figuring out is this someone I can build a relationship with. Sounds like he is just not ready. My last thoughts...meet someone who does share the same interests as you and who wants to build a relationship where it would be the kind you ARE looking for. If not, your more then likely to get really hurt in the long run, and believe me, it hurts pretty bad when you continue it and there is no hope or proof that they really want it.
I wish you luck in your pursuit of happiness.
Take care.
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reader, _Edward_  +, writes (19 July 2007):
 Well…you should find another man, because from what you said, you don’t belong together. You both have the same dream to travel, but not with each other…try finding some one who shares the same characteristics as you, find some one that likes to travel, and likes kids…and wants a future with you…
This person that your with right now, sound like a nice guy, but you should ask your self “is this what I want, to sped my life with a man that doesn’t care about having a future with me and traveling”.
I hope all is well for you, and you fined your self a better man… = D
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female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (19 July 2007):
 Hi there babes,
He has obviously had a bit of a bad time I would say he already has a child and maybe the breakup of that relationship has just put him off, I am not saying he will never come round darling he may, but if you love him tell him how your feeling tell him you understand what he has been through....
Maybe he needs his space at the moment, he has told you he is mad about you and I am sure he is darling, so for now enjoy what you have got and give him time thats probably all he needs,
Hope this has helped you hun,
Take care babes,
Love Donna x
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