A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am living with my partner and have been for about 8 months now and i am having real trust issues with him. When we first started seeing each other it was rather casual and i think we both messed each other around. I think that this is why i have the trust issues, but id also like some advice as to whether you think they're well grounded or not. He has alot of female friends and still speaks to ex's over the internet, even though he knows i don't like it. when i check his internet history- it shows that he has been looking at porn and searching for 'girls, single and in our area' over websites such as 'myspace'. He moved with me to my area and has no family or friends here, and only moved here so i could continue my studies and we could be together. I am concerned that i am just a 'gateway' for him until he meets someone else, but on the otherhand, i am scared that if i'm wrong that my distrust and insecurities will make him end this relationship. Also, a couple of months ago, he went away for the wkend to stay with his friends and he phoned me up really drunk, i was quite concerned so i tried to call him back, i couldn't get through for about two hours, when i finally got through i accused him of being with a girl and after a while of me accussing him he said that he had. i expected him to ring the next day and apologise, but i didnt get through till 5pm- he said that he didnt remember our conversation, that he thought he'd been 'spiked', had been sleeping all day and wouldnt cheat on me. We were having alot of problems at the time- argueing alot and things are much better between us now apart from my distrust.What do you think? Is he up to 'no good'? If not, how can i sort out my trust issues? Thanks x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (21 February 2007):
 Searching for Girls in your Area on the Internet is Bad News. Many men look at porn and play around on the computer, whilst still loving their wife / girlfriend with all their heart; and would never dream of being unfaithful, but actively looking for single girls nearby to interact or meet with is unacceptable. It is, of course, up to you how you handle this; you could sit him down and explain that you find his behaviour is jeopodising your relationship, OR, you could tell him that you`ve had enough of his lying, cheating ways and that you want a new life without him in it! I can`t tell you what to do, but I hope you will see a new life ahead of you, enriched with joy & happiness, and it dosn`t seem to me that this man could be part of that. Kind Regards, Heather.
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