A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've being married for 8ys but so much in love with my first love who's with someone. We meet and ended up in bed. I just went him bac. Please help
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male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 I've gotta go with eyeswideopen on this one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Hi,
I am not gonna judge you and tell you that what you are doing will lead to BIG problems!
I can understand what you are going through. I met with my 1st love after over 20 yrs apart...the love and feelings are still there for both of us.Unfortunately she is married....but I didnt sleep with her.
If you are married why did you meet with him?.How did you end up in bed?You must have known how dangerpous that would have been!
If it only happened the 1x time, why do you want him back? Why did you split in the 1st place
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Separate from you husband and file for divorce, he deserves the chance to find someone who respects him. Then you can can sit around and wait for your friend to show up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): There's generally going to be strong feelings involved when the thoughts & the temptations of our 1st loves come to fruition. This is a tricky situation in that by bringing this fantasy to life & sleeping together, you have opened & overwhelmed your mind into thinking that this 'love' is the one that is 'meant to be'.
I myself, went back to my 1st love on a couple of separate occasions, whilst in a relationship, & as a single man.
We shared an amazing passion together, heightened for me as she was my 'mentor' of sorts, but unfortunately, in regular 'day-to-day' life, we found we weren't so compatible.
The biggest questions are, what were the factors in deciding to stray? Have you been in an unhappy marriage/is something missing in your marriage? Or did you find it easy to slip back into your old self when with him?
If you have spoken to your 1st love about what happened & about how you feel, what are his thoughts? Is he unhappy in his relationship? Want to be with you too? Or does he feel this is a one-time rekindling?
If it's the 1st two, then there will be some thinking to do, if it's the last, run a mile!
Your biggest consideration will be children, if yourself & he has any. Putting aside your initial happiness to look at theirs first, you can't rush into any decisions that will affect their wellbeing.
If you do both have families, you need to be sure that being together again, is truly what you want. You would both need time to adjust also, if you did both end relationships to be together, it may not be plain sailing. Again, fantasy does not always equate, or mesh to reality, unfortunately.
The fantasy aspect of this situation, & passion renewed, will be ringing in your ears at the moment, but you need to look at your 'real life' first, & what has been & is happening in your relationship to A: make you do what you have done & B: see if you have something to salvage.
If you've done all you can, & explored every avenue of possibility in making your current relationship work, & it still doesn't make you happy, then you have to do what’s right for you. Again, if a family is involved, it can also be damaging to 'live a lie', & isn't always best to stay together when things are truly at the end of the line for one or both of the couple.
Think hard, don't rush into anything & look to home first, & remember that the grass may not always be greener on the other side.
Good luck!
Stan
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Well obviously you have no self control for starters. either you should tell your partner and end the affair or tell your partner about the affair and then leave your partner if your f**kbuddy wants to be with u instead of his girl, in which case you are both happy and your partners are no longer being treated like utter shit.
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