A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half and things have gotten to the point where I don't know what to do with our relationship so I thought I'd reach out here. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23 when we first started dating everything was great and he was my best friend and we were so in love. There was no problems until about 7 months into our relationship when he started to blow me off for his friends and drugs. It put such a strain on our relationship that I gave him the ultimatum of drugs or me and he pick me or so I thought. Things were fine again until he started sneaking behind my back and lying which I thought was him cheating but later found out it was him doing the drugs. Around our 1 year I noticed things starting to change and he just didn't act like he cared about me or the relationship and started taking complete advantage of me. Lying about where he was what he was doing, blowing me off or just completely ignoring me. Around July I found out I was pregnant and his response was you need to get an abortion. I'm completely against it but I just felt so alone and with me starting college in the next month I got the abortion because it's what he wanted and I thought he'd always be there and love me. A few days after the abortion I made it known I wasn't happy with the choice and fell into a deep depression. When I told him this his attitude didnt change and he wasn't there for me I asked him how he could see the woman he love in so much pain and so sad and not have any reaction to it all he said was because I didn't want it. A week before we were suppose to move together to Arizona for my college I caught him looking at my friend body on facebook and I was upset because I have body issues and suffer from bulimia because he would alway point out I'm not his type because "I'm not skinny like all his other girlfriends" still depressed from the abortion it got worse and I asked him why he was even with me if he could do this to me he said it was because he loved me and he was going to marry me. The next day he broke up with me out of the blue and told me that everything was a lie and that he didn't love me anymore. It was the most hurtful thing ever not only did the man I thought I was going to marry just left me I had to deal with an apartment I couldn't afford by myself which led to me not being able to go to college because it was 4 days before classes started and there was no dorm space. While we were broken up he showed to me interest on getting back together until I found out he was trying to get with girls behind my back that's when I decided it was too much and went on vacation for 3 weeks. When I got home he promises he changed and that he wanted to be with me for good. The problem now is he still acts like he doesn't care about me at all he purposely does things that he knows will make me mad and he just totally disrespects me. A few weeks ago he admitted he still doesn't love me and doesn't know if he ever will because he doesn't think he's capable of love. Last week I caught him almost cheating on me with one of his exs and he tried to lie about it he begged for my forgiveness and I said if he never did anything like this again id put it in the past. But the thing is I got kicked out I have no job no money, my family won't talk to me and all my friends are gone at college so he's really the only thing I have. I guess my question is what should I do? It's to the point that I want it to end but I know it would hurt me so bad and i don't ever want to see him With anyone else. I love him so much but I just don't know if it's all worth it.
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abortion, best friend, broke up, depressed, drugs, facebook, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): Hi,
Chigirl is right. It hurts right now but you can and will get through this. You need to be strong and move forward with your life. It may take time but work on getting yourself housed/employed and rebuild your relationships that this guy has cost you. In a years time you will look back and think about how much stronger you have become.
Take care of yourself.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 It is a good thing. You know you shouldn't be with him, and who ended it is not the point. My fear is that he feels empowered by breaking up with you, and will feel that it is his "right" to take you back whenever he pleases. Make sure than you don't go back to him when he comes crawling!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks you guys for the support. He actually broke up with me a few days ago. I'm really upset and he hasn't talked to me:/
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (25 October 2010):
It is not worth it. While you understand what love is, he doesn't, and this is one sided. You can love him, but do not be with him. Yes he might be all you have in life right now, but if you keep this up that will never change. If you didn't depend on him in the first place, where do you think you would be right now? You'd be at a dorm, in college, and never having had an abortion, and never hearing that he doesn't love you "after all".
You know this man is bad for you. But deep down you also know that without him you will have every opportunity to get your life back on track. And with him you will be stuck with him, and never get to where you want. He will constantly pull you back. Make the choice now to have him and only him and never anything else, or to NOT have him and instead get a start on building up your life so you can fill your life with good things.
Your two choices aren't that bad. Fill your life with something bad, or work to fill it with something good.
What you should do is not talk to this lousy man again. I know his type, I've dated his type, and they are childish and self-conceited. It is hard to see at the beginning, but around a year into it they typically reveal themselves for who they truly are. You are not the first woman to experience this, I for one have had it too. I was engaged at 19 to a man who one week swore he loved me, the next didn't know if he ever had, next week again bought me roses and swore to me he wanted to marry me, next week again told me he thought he felt for me like a dog feels for its owner.
There's only so much heartache you can tolerate, and you have reached your limit. He has had his chances already, and he didn't change. Leave him alone to figure his life out and move on with your own. You can, and you will, get by without him. And it'll be the best thing you ever did for yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): He's a junkie, who didn't care that you were pregnant, lies to you, goes after other girls and plays on your insecurities. I suggest seeking assistance from the state, your college or a women's refuge, church etc. You can rebuild your life. Start planning a way out and do it before his destructive path destroys you.
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