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age
51-59,
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writes: I been married for a very short time and it seems he cant let go of his past girl friend he keeps her pics in his puter looks for her emails and he had bought this dog for her and after a yr or two she didnt wat it so he kept it the dog comes after me and he pets it i am having a hard time with him keeping a hold on his past is it just me or what? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Manya  +, writes (25 September 2008):
Hi! This sounds very painful, and I think you have to talk to him about it. Afterall, he married YOU. As Accused wrote, were you aware that he was still not completely over his ex-girlfriend before you married him?
I know that, as we grow older, we can sometimes carry around our pasts, especially if we put a lot into them; and a failed relationship may be still somehow inside of ourself and our personal history. But there is a place for these memories, and they should be private.
Hopefully, every day, you and he are creating something new and beautiful and unique and special!!!
There is no reason for him to hurt the new person in his life with all these reminders of this other person.
YOU are #1, and he should be focussing on YOU!!
He sounds kind of self centered and oblivious to your feelings.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 September 2008):
 Do you keep anything from past lovers? A ring, a letter, a photo? Most people do. Unless you have thrown out every piece of jewellery ever given to you by a non-famility member, so do you. If he keeps his photo's on a computer and hers are among them, so she is in his photo album. Unless he got her as a wallpaper or similar, it might just be a keep sake. Don't you have any?
The email... well some people remain friends after they break-up. It is border line but again, this happens. It all depends on how they continue to talk to each other. As friends/aquintances or something more?
As for the dog. Sorry, what do you expect, should it be put down just because it belonged to his ex? And of course he pets the dog. That is what dogs are for.
This last part is what tells me the problem lies with you. You are jealous of a DOG! What next, you want him to throw frisbees at you rather then the bitch?
People have pasts and at your age I would be more worried if he did not have an ex or his ex wanted nothing to do with him anymore. As long as he doesn't ignore you in favor of his ex, then you haven't got anything to be jealous about. And you don't say he does anything of the sort.
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male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (25 September 2008):
Tellulah is right.He needs to let go of the past for both your sakes. We all have nice memories but living them out in the present is common but not too healthy. As Tellulah says; would he like it if the tables were turned. Sit down and talk this out with him, explain your feelings and, although its hard, get him to talk about his feelings for this person and how he can let go.She is the past but you are his present and future.
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female
reader, accused +, writes (25 September 2008):
 Personally I don't see how you could feel anything but what your going thru/ Marriage is suppose to be one man-one woman. Not you, him, and his ex girlfriend! Apparently he does not understand what "RESPECT" your wife means. I know I would be hurt and even mad as hell! My advice is to talk to your husband and explain that she is his past, and YOU ARE his FUTURE! Stand for yourself and explain to him that his actions hurt you. If he can't seem to find the will or courage to stop thinking and seeking old flame emails then maybe he isn't the one for you. Did you know he was still in la la land over his ex when you guys married? How long were you two dating before you got married? Feel free to drop me a private line..Accused
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (25 September 2008):
 Hi,
No your not, I think I would be miffed as well. The one good thing is that he is not hiding stuff from you, but he is being very inconsiderate of your feelings. Could you talk to him and tell him how this makes you feel? try pointing out that although you understand he wants to keep a few memories (aparantly some people like to do this). That you are finding it very hard having it rubbed in your face.
How would he re-act if this were the other way round??
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