A
female
age
36-40,
*enova
writes:i am currently going out with sum1 28 years older then me ever since i've met him i've felt happy and more confident he supports me in everything i do. but then there's my dad who's telling me he's just using me and also my sister who wont talk to me neither. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CarmelCandy  +, writes (11 July 2008):
I understand where you are coming from I am pretty much in the same boat only thing is nobody knows about our relationship because he is 24 years older than me. But we have both been wanting to be with each other for three years, and have been together for a year. He talks about spending his life with me and having kids with me when i turn 18 next year. So dont go on want other people say about him because i used think he was using me but after the first couple of times we had sex he told me if he was using me then we wouldnt have lasted this long. He tells me he loves me and shows it. So dont listen to anybody listen to your heart and if he shows his love for you then stay with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): I would look at the relationship as temporary and let him know that also. I dated an older man when I was your age, and after the first couple years, was miserable. If this is your first relationship, then I would definitely advise you to get out of it. I didn't realize how bad my partner was for me until I was with someone else. It could work out, but a few years down the road, he might be asking you to weed the garden when you want to go clubbing or do something with friends your own age, who most likely will not want to hang out with him. I ended up feeling very cramped, and took a long time to leave him because I felt guilty that he was too old to find anyone new.
I don't think it will be a healthy match.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 July 2008):
 I think this age gap is just another element of your relationship with this man. The relationship does seem uneven, you know, because he has had so many more experiences in life. I suppose you work, but he's also got more money than you. He's at a definite and overwhelming advantage.
He is at least 46. I am sure there is a lot of difference between the way he sees the world and the way you see it. What's more, I HOPE THERE IS. I don't want to think he sees himself as your equal.
All that said, my point is this: I wonder if your father and sister don't want you to be with that guy because of the age gap, or because of other things he sees. You think it's the age gap ONLY. Make sure there aren't other factors, too.
If this age gap existed between, say, a 68 year old man and a 40 year old woman, I wouldn't be as critical as I am now. I am sure that your youth plays a very important role in this relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): if you are in your 24 below, maybe theres really problem about age... but having a 28 years gap is not really a problem if you are matured enough to stand to your own decision.. my husband is 63 im 36 its 27 years gap' no parents is complaining because they knew im old enough to get married at age of 35... life is good honey if you think your still young to seattle down then just enjoy the ride. time will come and tell you what is the good decision.. good luck and take care of your self... XXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Age doesnt normally matter in the earky stages BUt I have to say when on egets older ir probably does when the "honeymoon" period is over! When people get older its nice to have things in common do things together and share the things you have in common unfortunately at an older age 28 years difference there would not be much in common. Think it over very carefully but good luck on what YOU decide to do!!!"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Age difference does not matter in general; how ever there is certain criteria that is very relevant to age didderences; you are not giving any detail for your father or sister;
How old are you now?
However, I think you should consult with a counsellor before getting married; somebody to prepare you for the road ahead; as please belive me, the future will not just be a bed of rose petals; are you aware of the thorns and the problems that might be looming; I doubt, because when we are in love; we only want to see the bright side of the moon;
I urge you to get counselling; be prepared for the Future; then if you still feel strong about the relationship and feel you can handle and will be able to cope; Vow, who am I to judge;
BUT
don't enter this without really having proper insight and knowledge;
You need to be prepared;
Best wishes,
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (10 July 2008):
I dont think that the age difference matters. Who ever you love is who ever you love. However keep in mind that if you want a family you might not be able to have one with this man. He is quite older than you and you are still young and its seems like you are pursuing dreams and are not yet ready to be a mom. Also keep in mind that you never know when someone might die but he is at a higher risk of dieing than you and it will be really hard to lose him! follow your heart and do whatever makes you happy!I hope that I helped!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 July 2008):
 People in similar circumstances to yours have managed to have successful relationships and marriages. But I have to ask you, why does your father think he is using you. And goodness, if my sister stopped speaking to me, I know that there was something that troubled her deeply about this relationship, and I would want to know. So could you please try to tell us why your sister has stopped speaking to you?
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Well ...Age difference doesnt matter when you are at your age .. but when you get older and you are still together, it will get harder and harder. YOu will be 40 and he will be70. You will be at your best, he will be ... sorry to say it ... almost dead. Then the age difference really doest matter and you will feel it! My grandparents were 30 years appart. my grandma said ... it was great when they were young ... but when she turned 40 she was at her best and grandfather was retired old man.So yes, I think "sometimes" it does matter!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 July 2008):
 You are going to get responses that say that age differences don't matter. Sometimes they don't but 28 years?!!!!! You don't give a lot of info to go on either. But I've got to say that if I were in your shoes this difference in ages would be too vast for me to handle. You won't be able to grow old together, he's miles ahead of you. Maybe Dad knows best, he generally does.
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A
male
reader, Bryanz +, writes (10 July 2008):
If you really love him, you shouldn't care what anybody thinks. Put everything aside, you said he made you happy & he supports you. Thats all that matters. There are 3 main things in a relationship... truthworthy, happyness, & support. By the sounds of the detail's you gived. He has it all. Put your father aside & be with him. BUT if there is sign's of cheating, you need to dig deeper to find out. Say like... asking somebody that is a really close friend that maybe hangs out with him or whatever.
Goodluck, I hope everything works out. =))
Send me a message/add me to friends if you liked my advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Hey there.
How old are you? and how old is your fella? I think that people mature at different ages and if your good together then go for it, just be carefull you to get too old too quick!
i mean, stay in touch with things YOU love. if your younger than your fella.you may have different things in common. don't sacrafice the things you love or your relationship wont work. you may want to stay in contact with people your own age, just incase. Just be true to yourself. good luck with your relationship. stay happy!!!!x
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