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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: i am happily married ....there is no problem in marriage apart from the ones i create.... i have fallen with someone else in office who is also married ...we both know that we dnt want to leave our spouses but we really love each other ...i am confused what do i do Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008): I'm in the same situation. We both want to break it off, but can't, we keep being drawn back together from missing each other too much. We both recognize the path we are following will lead to disaster all round. Neither of us is strong enough to just stop, and not respond to the other.
But we need to. And so do you. It's either break it off, or ruin both marriages, both families, and on top of that there won't even be a happy ever after for us two (or you two) because the stresses that will come after two breakups will just ruin the relationship. I'm sorry, unbelievably sorry, because this is my life. But there is no "win" situation here. No happy ever after. Just memories and regrets
A
female
reader, Confused5  +, writes (15 September 2008):
I am in the same situation. How do you know you love him and it is not just lust?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): Dear Poster
I am sorry but you do know what you have to do; STOP this affair or fling or whatever you want to call it with your married co-worker; you are both "playing with fire" and soon somebody will get hurt.
You have to concentrate on your marriage and you have to avoid contact with the co-worker; take leave for a few days and ask him not to contact you; clear your mind; decide if you are prepared to risk your marriage for this infatuation. If need be change jobs.
Should you decide to continue your relationship with guy at work,and risk your marriage; well then you need to tell your husband; he deserves to hear the truth from you and not via somebody else.
Be strong and think about this carefully, you are both married; personally I do not believe there is any future for your relationship; I think it is merely adrenalin because of the "forbidden fruit" situation.
I am sorry if I came over harsh,
BUT
I URGE you to be very careful and to think CAREFULLY.
Best wishes
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): Start with the feeling that you have for your spouse. That is love. The thing with the co-worker is not love - it is lust. This happens all the time, but don't let it wreck your whole life by making it out to be more than it is. If it is truly love, then you will find a way to be together HONESTLY for all parties' sake - not just the two of you. If it is infatuation, then you will lie, sneak around and selfishly cheat your way into each other's hearts. That is not love. Trust me - these feelings will pass - but you have to take control of yourself and the situation. Decide now what is best for you and your family, what do you stand for? Act on that - the rest is just a temporary diversion. If you choose your spouse then stop seeing this other person - change jobs if you have to - be the noble, honest lover whom your spouse believes in. If you can't do that then get counseling, get lots of honesty with your spouse - no matter how hard it is - and become the noble, honest person you need to be before you enter into any new relationship. This is a temporary failing - but you can use it to become stronger, not weaker. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2008): Start with the feeling that you have for your spouse. That is love. The thing with the co-worker is not love - it is lust. This happens all the time, but don't let it wreck your whole life by making it out to be more than it is. If it is truly love, then you will find a way to be together HONESTLY for all parties' sake - not just the two of you. If it is infatuation, then you will lie, sneak around and selfishly cheat your way into each other's hearts. That is not love. Trust me - these feelings will pass - but you have to take control of yourself and the situation. Decide now what is best for you and your family, what do you stand for? Act on that - the rest is just a temporary diversion. If you choose your spouse then stop seeing this other person - change jobs if you have to - be the noble, honest lover whom your spouse believes in. If you can't do that then get counseling, get lots of honesty with your spouse - no matter how hard it is - and become the noble, honest person you need to be before you enter into any new relationship. This is a temporary failing - but you can use it to become stronger, not weaker. Good luck.
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