A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel so trapped and unhappy right now and I don't know what to do. I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for just over 3 years. In that time we have had more than our fair share of problems (him putting his friends first, smoking weed, texting his ex etc) and in the last year there have been so many times that I have wanted to end things with him, but I have never gone through with it.There are lots of reasons for this I think. The first is that I love him, and every time I think about my life without him I get so sad and remember all of his good points. I'd miss him so much and it would be so hard to let go.Secondly, he is pretty much the only person I really have in my life. Over the last year both of my very best friends have started new relationships and have basically ditched me. He has been the one who has been there for me and has held me when I've cried because I'm hurt and miss my friends. I have been trying to make new friends and have had some success, but at this stage they are just acquaintances and not people I could turn to if I did break up with him. Finally I have been having problems with other areas of my life too. I am in a lot of debt after my business went under and I'm back living with my parents while I pay it back, which although necessary is a bit soul destroying. Plus I have put on a bit of weight recently (about 15lbs - I'm still not overweight for my height but I don't look good at all either) and although I'm trying to diet and exercise my motivation seems to be at an all time low right now and I give up so easily. I feel so down all of the time because I just feel as though there is so much to fix in my life and I don't know where to start. I don't even know what advice I'm looking for here, maybe just some stories from people who have been in situations like this where everything has worked out?
View related questions:
best friend, debt, his ex, overweight, text, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): This sounds a lot like my friend's relationship- they've been together on and off for 4 years- he has many bad qualities, Ive told him in not so civilised ways haha, that I think he's bad news... She's lovely, caring, would do anything for her friends- but with major emotional dependency issues- if he makes her feel bad enough she'll usually do whatever he wants, he'll play on her feelings. This is obviously not a healthy relationship, but if you think about it, would you blow your friends off for him? Probably sometimes of course... Because if you're seriously into someone you are emotionally dependent to some degree, you need to be with them at times, it's a sign of devotion...Im not talking about your friends by the way- what they did was unacceptable and proves they dont jold much meaning to the word "friend". It's heartbreaking that you cry over people that are as pointless as tiny fish in an ocean- but not as cute haha! Anyway point I'm making is that he shouldn't put his friends first the MAJORITY of the time, it doesnt show devotion- and neither does texting his ex, smoking weed, etc. I'm sure there's more reasons why he should be kicked to the curb... You know this yourself, you said it, he is just going to drag you down seriously, he's going to take a serious toll on your emotions, and when you're too depressed to pick yourself up and renovate your career, he'll be right there blagging it as a boyfriend, wasting more of your life ..I'm sorry if this sounds harsh- but happiness comes within, from achievements - by the way you're obviously very resourceful and talented for starting your own business... Kudos to you it's a seriousl achievement, and so hard to make a profit for new businesses in this climate and stay active, so don't beat yourself up- I really hope this helps and feel for you, you deserve better, dump him and let's us be friends! :) haha I'm often told I'd be a brilliant boyfriend by my friends... ! :) Post an update :) X
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): I understand where you are coming from hun. Follow your intuition. At the end of the day, you are responsible for your happiness and that means you contol who is and isnt in your life. Women usually gain wait with stress, new relationships, or just feeling comfortable, its ok. When it comes to working out, thinking about doing it for yourself. You want to feel good for you and push come to shove, you're just tuning yourself for the next relationship. But dont move so fast if this is your best friend and you think yall can work it out, if you arent sure, you need to find out what he wants and determine if you can deal with it. Good lcuk
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (10 June 2013):
 Look at these two quotes from your submittal:
"I have wanted to end things with him, but I have never gone through with it." and, "...and every time I think about my life without him I get so sad and remember all of his good points."
The "answer" to your question involves only simple arithmetic... i.e. Add up "all of his good points"... and subtract all those things that caused you to believe, "I have wanted to end things with him..." Whichever is the greater number will guide you in the correct thing to do.
Good luck...
...............................
|
