A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am getting fed up with my boyfriends ex wife. She is too dependent on him for jobs and advice and see`s him as her best friend. Yes, granted, I think if there was any chance of getting him back she wouldnt waste a moment. I have told him my thoughts but he seems too blind and naive to see it. He says if he was meant to be with her, they would have never divorced. He will not go too much out of his way for her, I trust him, but its her motives I am not sure about. They have children who are grown up. shall I tell her it is time to back off?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 November 2012):
 I agree with EWO as usual. It's not your place to say anything to her.
IF you have already told him how you feel and you trust him then you will just have to deal with it.
clearly this has not changed since you started dating him so you knew what was in store for you.
IF you can't deal with it, you may have to end the relationship.
I have an ex husband that I have children with.. when we first split up, we had daily contact because the kids were so little... now with grown children (one disabled) we rarely have contact at all....
I find that contact like you speak of when there are not small children to deal with is too much.
I personally think that you can be FRIENDLY with an ex and civil but not friends... clearly she thinks otherwise and if he's not uncomfortable with it there is not much you can do about it in terms of changing their behavior.
The only thing you can change is how you react.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): Maybe she will stop when she starts dating someone and her new boyfriend doesnt like it. Your boyfriend doesnt want to be with her but she doesnt seem to have accepted it yet.
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A
female
reader, citadel  +, writes (13 November 2012):
The more you criticize her, the more he attaches to HER
the more you show jealousy, the more he attaches to HER
The more you create stipulations with him, the more he attaches to HER
The more you challenge her, the more POWER she gets
The more you show weakness, the more POWER she gets
The more you dislike her, the more POWER she gets
You can either give it away or push it away
Either way, it doesn't look like your creating the atmosphere where it will want to stay.
The last time I felt threatened by a dog, it bit me.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (12 November 2012):
 In your situation I would not be able to help myself from telling her to back off. Why not drop her a joke about wanting what she cannot have?
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (12 November 2012):
Tell him she makes you feel insecure. Most would not like what is happening and it sounds like she does want him back. He is being very blind to it all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): Have a proper talk with him. I think he is maybe a little naive here and it sounds like she probably does really want him back.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 November 2012):
 Nothing good can come from ANY CONTACT by you, with her...
This needs to be between YOU and your B/F.... and, it is B/F who needs to learn how to assure that your's and his relationship is not impeded by his ex-.
Does your B/F have a spine? It may be the critical component in all this....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (12 November 2012):
You say you trust him but do you? I can understand where you are coming from but they sound very much like they are over.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 November 2012):
 No, you need to have a LONG chat with your BF and HE needs to be the one who tells her to BACK off. You need to explain how his interactions with her affect you.
I'm guess he LETS her act this way, because that is THEIR pattern, YOU can not change that - only HE can, and only if he really wants too.
And you say you trust him, but not her motives... Well, honey, either you trust HIM or you don't. She can have whatever motives she wants but if you can trust him THOSE motives don't matter AT ALL.
And whether you like it or not, those two are bound together for the rest of their lives - because they have children together. Grown kids or small kids doesn't really matter, they are STILL their parents.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 November 2012):
 It's not your place to tell her. If your boyfriend doesn't think she's a pest then you will just have to adapt. I don't think you have to worry about her motives though, he sounds pretty much done with her to me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): " I think if there was any chance of getting him back she wouldnt waste a moment."That's why she's not wasting a moment."I have told him my thoughts but he seems too blind and naive to see it."He is not too blind and naive to see it, he simply does not care what your thoughts are."I trust him, but its her motives I am not sure about."She wouldn't be hanging around if she didn't think he was leading her on. "shall I tell her it is time to back off?"No, it's not your place, that's up to boyfriend. His ex-wife isn't the one sleeping in your bed, he is.
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